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Sunday, December 11, 2011

Book of the Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 11
1. And the man of little consequence was hard pressed to yet make an account of his life of little consequence.
2. But he forebore it, and knew that it was folly to forebore anything, for such was not a word. And he knew not the past tense of the word 'forebear'.
3. And the word was sufficient for bearing only the suffix, 'bore' for naught else would describe his life accurately.
4. For the days and the nights passed on, and he yet looked to the heavens and beheld not the stars.

5. And he spake unto himself in the mirror saying, "The future eludes me, my life becometh a cliche. How soon will the man I almost am hide among the stuff?"
6. And the new year broke, and the man still gave no account of the happenings up to this point. And the audience was vexed by his silence.
7. But seeking to give a pleasure unto the people, he began another chapter of silly mock scripture, but his inspiration waxed dry and he spent the holidays in riotous living.
8. And after the holidays he traveled eastward and spent his days in more riotous living, even learning all the names of the My Little Pony's. And he chastened himself for admitting such publicly.
9. For this the time spent from the last thought of little consequence was for naught, and he documented it not.
10. It is not to say that his heart was depressed within him, for he, being restless, did strive daily to be more of a tool, yea, even a tool in the Lord's hands.

11. And the man of little consequence was a tool.
12. And he began to document his time of naught as if it would be of some interest to his sparse readership.
13. And the names of the ponies were thus: Twilight Sprinkle, Apple Jack, Rarity, and Princess Celestia. And he forfeit his man card, and would thus be known throughout the land as the slightly mannish thing of little consequence, for he yet lived by the saying that all things are made better when deep-fried or combined with bacon.
14. For what man among you would take any morsel, even ice cream, and not think to himself first off of how the morsel would be made better with batter and bacon? I say unto you such a man does not exist. For this purpose, the slightly mannish thing was still slightly mannish.

15. And he gave his account, and the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon their fruit bats, and their sloths, and their breakfast cereals, and their anchovies, and their... wait a minute, I think I've done this before...
16. The account was thus given, and the new year was broken.
17. His life was a cliche and the future eluded him. The man who he almost was yet hid in the stuff. And he wrote in a chiasmus form and his English joy was full.

18. And he looked once more to the heavens; behold, a single star shone amidst the cloud.

*Note: Let the true date of this publication be known as January 18, 2012. It was only begun on Dec. 11.