BLOGGER TEMPLATES - TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Friday, March 21, 2014

Speaking as Future NBA Commissioner

I feel like there has been a lot of stink about tanking lately in the NBA. A particularly lucrative draft pool can do this to a season, and this year has quite the selection. As such, it flares up a host of reactions to the deliberate losing of professional sports players.
Being a Houston fan, I really can't even remember the last time the Rockets were tanking. I guess I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to the team when Steve Franchise was the titular face of the franchise--that awkward post-Olajuwon and pre-Yao period--but Yao took us regularly to the playoffs, and even after his injuries and retirement we still finished like ninth or so... which is a very unrewarding position.
Notice how many times I put "us" and "we" in this post as if I am part of this team.
Anyways, now the Rockets are contending stronger than ever since the glory days of Olajuwon (in my opinion; nothing becomes fact until the post-season), but their success is a little marred by all these "gimme" games, i.e. games against tanking teams. What is special about a win if you're the only team that wants to win in the contest?
The NBA as a whole should take some notice as to how these tanking teams are damaging the product. Imagine how season ticket holders of Lakers and Jazz games feel right now... or Celtics or Bucks or Kings or Sixers etc. etc. etc. As such, sportswriters have voiced their opinions about how to fix this bug, the most prominent one being "the wheel" draft, but I have my own idea:
Why not attack the pride of an organization? Why not hit the individual players' egos? You know they got 'em. How do we do that?
How about after the All-Star break, give the bottom six teams a name change. They have to officially change the team's name until they no longer have one of the six worst records. What would their name changes be? I'll demonstrate with the current bottom six teams:

1. Boo-ston Sell-Outics. (I understand this could be interpreted as a positive thing, so I'm open to suggestions here)
2. Lose Angeles Fakers (I also considered Loss Angeles, but it has no phonetic punch)
3. Utah Funk, or maybe Utah Gordon-Hayward-is-our-best-player? Jazz
4. Orlando Muggles... wait, this would be a better name for Washington, but they're actually in playoff contention. Poorlando Tragic?
5. Smelladelphia #'ers (where the # equals the numbers of wins they have. At the time I wrote this post, they would be the 15ers)
6. Mil-whacky Sucks, or Mil-whakcy Does.

and for an honorable mention, the Suckramento Queens.

What about tanking for other sports, you ask? Well, I only thought of one for the NFL and here it is:

The Houston Mexicans

Oops. That was racist. I'm a go repent now.