Beauty and the Beast: A Metaphor

Recently I went and watched a locally done musical called "Beauty and the Beast." It made me think about how long it has been since I've actually watched that Disney movie... and yet I could still sing most of the lyrics in my own head. "No one plots like Gaston, takes cheap shots like Gaston, plans to persecute harmless crack-pots like Gaston!"
Then I realized since I was watching this show as a pseudo-grown up for the first time that the whole thing...
...is a metaphor for LDS YSA life!!
Let me explain.
No it is too long, let me sum up.
First off we have Belle:

"I like to study for fun."

Belle is the most attractive girl in town, but where is her personality? She's all about family and books... so she never really progresses in her social life. Is this a bad thing? Maybe not... but it might just take a life sentence in prison and an enchanted curse to ever get her married. Believe it or not, these kind of girls DO exist. You may see them attending your YSA ward and wonder to yourself, "What are you doing here? How are you still single?!!" But in truth, it's all about priorities. One day she may wake up and think to herself, "Well, maybe I should go get a husband..." and she's got enough depth, ambition, and... well... HOTness that she could get it done in a week just by batting her eyes a little and giving a sly-come-hither stare. 

Then again, all she has to do is show up to attract this sort of guy:

"How would you like some... pest control?"

Here is a man who is absolutely confident in everything in life, especially in how to woo the ladies. In fact, apart from his manly job and/or hobby (notice 'hobby' is singular), getting himself a honey is pretty much the only thing that matters. Since he guzzles protein and plays guitar like Jack Johnson (which Jack Johnson does, right?), he can approach any social situation with the CERTAINTY that the hottest girl in the crowd will inevitably be his girlfriend by the end of the month or week or day or hour. And why should anyone else doubt him? He's probably done it dozens of times before. He's got a great track record of lassoing groupies in every YSA ward he's ever been in, and as soon as he showed his face in your ward, a secret Facebook fan club was formed with his face being the main page. So, again, you may be wondering to yourself, "Why are you still here? How are you still single?!!" Perhaps it's because he is so shallow in his relationships that he never really holds one down--and consequently he doesn't want to. Perhaps it's because he invested all his time on the prettiest girl in the ward (since looks are all that matters) whom he is incapable of forming any connection with. Perhaps it is God's way of protecting His daughters from some severe disappointments. 

Either way, the tools belong in the shed. Have some self respect ladies and be vigilant if you are ever approached by Gaston.

You never know, you might just find a guy like this:

Sure, all that hairiness may take some getting used to. Sure he lives in darkness and obscurity in his parents' basement because he's conscious of all that hairiness. Sure, he never really developed any social skills because he lived in his parents' basement all this time because he was conscious of all that hairiness. So when he finally emerges and some girl is forced onto him--probably by a setup from a third party who would benefit from his graduation from single hopelessness (thus Lumiere, Mrs. Potts and company represent his parents), he may be rude and whiney and even demanding... but rest assured ladies, HE IS MORE SCARED OF YOU THAN YOU ARE OF HIM. Like way more scared. I mean, it's ridiculous just how scared this guy is of you. He would probably rather be hunted by wolves that shoot lasers and ride velociraptors than go on a date with you. That being said, if you ever get beyond those first few awkward get-togethers with him and he starts to relax around you, you may find that he's actually very kind and gentle, so much that you could even look past all that hairiness. And then he gains a little confidence in himself as a result of the attention he's getting from a female and starts to care a little about his appearance. Suddenly!!:

Voila!! 10 Cow Husband!

Wow! All the sudden he has some real... face value... :D*

And the rest is happily ever after history.

Notice how Beast and Gaston are on opposite ends of the spectrum. One treats women as property and one treats women like they are completely unattainable. Beast had to find some confidence in himself in order to make the magic happen, so he moved a little toward the middle. What if Gaston had done the same? Belle admitted he was handsome at one point... and then followed it up with "rude and conceited." If he wasn't so full of himself, he probably could have successfully courted Belle. And thus it goes for single dudes. We all need to seek that happy medium between the two spectrums, but most of us either have to man up and gain some confidence or shed some arrogance in order to get there. Here's a high tech display to sum it all up:

The line represents "Self Confidence" and it depreciates as you go from left to right.

The rose is wilting guys. Soon as you're 31... game over!

This also helps clear up the age-old argument of whether it's better to be a nerd or a jock when finding true love. The answer is... no.
Also, one lesson you should NOT take from Beauty and the Beast (or Seven Brides for Seven Brothers): Stockholm syndrome is a good way to get hitched.

And then a girl asked me in real life, "But what about the girls who aren't as pretty as Belle? Where's their happily ever after?" All I can say to that is... watch Mulan. That movie is a metaphor about women knowing their worth even if they're not married right off the bat. 

I think... I think I'm gonna use this as a devotional for FHE someday. 

Reason for graduating from bachelorhood number 28: Everything in life doesn't have to become a metaphor and sad reminder for how hopelessly single you are.

* This may be the first time I've ever used an emoticon ever. Like in my whole life. Therefore, you may expect me to methodically continue to use this particular emoticon as a sort of punctuation denoting a pun that I'm particularly proud of.

Happy Fourth of July.

Emphasis on how I put a period instead of an exclamation. By the way, since when did we all start calling it the Fourth instead of Independence Day? Did that 90's movie get the copyright?

I belong in the air!

Or is it that some people out there don't want to celebrate the birth of the country?

Yes, I was feeling kind of unpatriotic this year. Between taxes and that moral disease called 'progressivism' that has run so rampant across this country that it even found its way into my church, I begin to wonder if this country is the same one that the founding fathers fought for and established. I could write whole essays on these issues, particularly the latter and why I call it a "moral disease," but I promised not to get too political on this blog because I failed to vote at the last presidential election. Regardless, I still love America and think it's the best the world has to offer (mainly for theological reasons) and I'm still incredibly grateful that I can enjoy the Restored Gospel without repercussion. Here's to you America! May the future guide you more on the road of what you once were and less on the road of what you are actually becoming.

So apart from hearing the numerous pops outside of my apartment as I worked on the company database, I didn't experience any fireworks. Without family, I think I'd have to go to some over-crowded public event and sit (if I'm lucky) on the grass and sweat for a show of pyromantics. Is that a word? Pyromantics? Or maybe that's just a romantic pirate... snicker. Anyways, the firework show would be cool and all, but a lot of the magic of the whole concept just isn't there. It'd be much more magical if I was setting them off myself, but that would mean I'd have spent money--probably illegally--on something that lasts for just one go and isn't food. Instead I'd have to find friends and parking and bug repellent and Tylenol for watching something that I've basically already seen numerous times.

How did I celebrate the Fourth then? I did give reason to celebrate it after all... Well, in case I haven't already given it away by the general tone and that odd question right after the first Pullman pic, I celebrated by watching "America; Imagine a World Without Her." It's a documentary by Dinesh D'Souza, in case you're familiar with "2016: Obama's America". It both scared the daylights out of me and restored my patriotism for this year. Weird. Time and money well spent, nonetheless. I recommend it to conservatives everywhere.

Happy Independence Day America!!! Football.

What is President Pullman saying here? Put the caption in the comments.

Also

"The water makes the rocks darker!"

Reason for graduating from bachelorhood number 1776: Firework shows are more fun with someone to cuddle with... wait, really? In July? Sweaty... gross.