When Are We Gonna Get a Hockey Team?

Houston sports lately has almost been as big of a disappointment as my social life. I wish I had more hobbies to invest my emotions in, cause my heart is hurting every day as I watch the futility of it all. These teams that achieved so much in 2015 just started... not achieving. Seriously, I can't ever remember being this disappointed since I went to a midnight showing of The Last Airbender. Not even the injury riddled Yao/McGrady era made me groan so much every time I checked ESPN.com.
Here come a lot of sarcastic thank you's.
Thanks Astros and Rockets! Thanks to all those all-stars who come to our city only to start performing like you want to get waived (Giles, Gomez, Kazmir, Lawson)! Thanks Khloe Khardashian! Thanks Taylor Swift! Thanks whoever is paying these teams below the table to tank cause nobody wants to see Houston sports succeed! Thanks whoever changed the water in Houston that probably deteriorates lung capacity (I've felt this one personally...)! Thanks universe for making a whole city suffer through mediocre sports just to teach one person (me) humility and patience!
Sigh...