The Things I See That Other People Post About

This one actually took me a while to understand.

It's Not About Basketball

Here comes another sports post, for what it's worth:
What's so bad about Houston? Sure it gets really freakin hot and the closest beach you have is the bad side of the Gulf of Mexico... but it's the fourth largest city in the U.S., right? As such, it should be the fourth most bangin city, right? The economy is real good here too, especially since we're like the hub of the oil and gas industry of the U.S.

So what's the big hold-up Dwight?

Here's a hypothetical: If Dwight was cool with playing in Clutch City, would a deal have already been inked? Do the Lakers really have a better package to offer Orlando than the Rockets? I mean, outside of Andrew Bynum, it's a pretty crusty line-up there... 

I guess it's more about what's cool and hip since these diva players can't see past the end of their own freaking noses when it comes to finance. I'm pretty sure the first thing that goes through their mind in free agency is, "Would that be a place I would vacation to?" 

The only other motivation I can see is title contention, and yes you've got a better shot in L.A. than in Houston... at least for maybe another year and a half. What happens when Kobe retires... or even bigger, when Pau or Bynum get fed up playing the part of dangling bate (even though they are the more integral parts of the team)? Have fun settling for a future of mediocrity in a state better known for bankruptcy than anything else.

And you know, I used to think Dwight was awesomer for not sporting any tats or saying publicly that he doesn't drink and having a room in his house just for Wii-related activities. I used to like how he didn't get so mean on the court that he had to punch people or talk politically incorrect garbage to opponents who are unable to grow hair. But that's all in the past. Dwightmare is the present. And he's probably the future too. 

Now, concerning Lebron... dot, dot, dot.

It is highly unlikely that superstars have not contemplated forming some sort of year round all-star team via free agency throughout the ages of basketball. Players have had at least some say over their destination--at least in their caliber of play (example: Pippen on the Rockets)--back then just like they do now. What Lebron and Bosh and Wade did is really bad for small market teams ONLY BECAUSE IT WORKED. The thing about this sort of basketball is that it's not about basketball, according to Isaiah Thomas. There's only one basketball on the court at a time and only one person can take each shot. The fact that Lebron and Wade and Bosh can sacrifice their one-man team stardom for a collective effort for rings says more about their personality than about their ballin' skills. And I think that's commendable. The stars of yesteryears and most of the stars of today are just too selfish to make this happen. A single team only has room for so much inflated ego--it's just physics. Lebron makes his teammates better through his offensive facilitation and his defensive prowess. He also has the ability to offensively take a game into his own hands, but we didn't see him do that too much in these playoffs. Maybe once or twice against Boston... And Dwight thinks he'd fit on the Lamers... I mean Lakers? How often is Kobe gonna pass that ball to you? The reason he has so much success with big men is because they get so many offensive boards and put-backs on his many, many shots. 

Note: I haven't taken the time to pull up the stats to back any of this up. I could be WAY off the mark here, but any chance I get to call out Kobe on his over-ratedness, I'll take.

And Dwight, Houston could be your team. This could be your city, even. But if you're gonna come here and be a one-year pile of drama, you can take your talents to the west coast. I can't wait for you to come to the Linsane Asylum (pardon the cliche) and get worked on by Monty-Younus or what the stuff his name is...

Celebrating Originality and Stuff

Why do melons always need their parents' permission to get married?

Because they can't elope!! Get it? Cantelope! Totally original...

Also, this one is original to me. Somebody may have done it before, but they were just retroactively imitating me... and that's only if I used the word "retroactive" correctly.

Uncle Todd: "Hey Andrew, what did the little boy say right before he got a knuckle noogie?"

Andrew: "*Weird noise with his tongue cuz he's five*"

Uncle Todd: "That's EXACTLY what he said!"

Andrew gets a knuckle noogie.

The end?