The Adventures of Adventure Haver!

Volume 1:
Warning, extreme nerdage and cheesiness is about to ensue, so if you need that cool feeling back after reading this, be sure to go pick on some little children, preferably those who wear glasses and denim shorts.


Now I get to the story. I had heard reports of a nasty treant that was threatening the neighborhood of Angel Grove... I mean Angleton. This sounded like a job for... (insert sound effect here) ADVENTURE HAVER!!
So I arrived early in the morning on the perpetrators doorstep. It was a pine. A pine ent. You know, an ent like those crazy walking trees on Lord of the Rings. Luckily, I was prepared. Before that stupid ent could even react, I had a ladder on its haunches and I was perched in its blind spot up in its own branches. Come to think of it, I've never seen eyes on an ent. Maybe they just feel vibrations like a spider in its web.
This ent was furious! It was still looking for revenge for Ferngully. I had to scrap this wood, but it wouldn't be easy. Then again, anything is easy with my plus four Echo gasoline powered deluxe laser chainsaw straight from the Man Factory. Ok, maybe there was no laser involved with the chainsaw, but what is an adventure without lasers? Or explosions? We'll get to those.
So I hacked off the monster's head with my chainsaw and much to my surprise, the whole tree exploded! We're talking like nuclear Chuck Norris explosion! I took the brunt of the blast and saved some cowering squirrels, and was afterward heralded as a great hero! Unfortunately, the explosion gave me a concussion and knocked me out for nearly two minutes so I couldn't even enjoy the rhino-floppin loads of honeys that showered me with praise. I was awarded 70 gillion dollars by the CIA though.
You were good, Mr. Ent, but you weren't fast enough for... (sound effect) ADVENTURE HAVER!!!
Until next time kids! PUNT!!

My Favorite Folk Parody Band from Zoo Kneeland

I giggle a lot when I watch these guys. Maybe you'll giggle some too... as long as you stick with the cleaner ones. Most of them are pretty clean...

Anyways, I stand by the truth that you can start quoting Jenny nearly anywhere in this world, and someone around you will start right in with you, like it's the worlds best inside joke that links us all together. BAM, instant friends!

So be sure to practice

A True Texan

This is now the fourth summer in a row that I've returned to Texas for one reason or another. What can I say, the Lone Star gives the call and I must heed! Not really... I've always had my reasons for coming home, and such remains the same for my current stay.
What reasons you ask?
Perhaps I get so sick of the snow and dryness that I must seek the environmental opposite by returning to swampy gulf coast weather.
Perhaps I am so afraid of my grades from finals that I vacate the state like some academic fugitive. I feel like the BYUKGB is coming after me for scholastic under-achievement. Fortunately, they never leave the Provo bubble.
Perhaps I am afraid of a seriously lop-sided diet, knowing the next bowl of macaroni could literally kill me for overdosing on powdered generic brand cheese. At home, my mom actually cooks vegetables, so I get some vitamins...
Perhaps I just wanted to be somewhere where I felt like I knew what my niche in society was. Then I actually came home and realized that didn't change.

My stay in Texas has brought back the usual charms of home on the range. Tonight I played dodgetennis with my nephews and got my face chewed off by mosquitoes. The last few days I have sweated... A LOT! And the lawn grows awfully fast.

I did get a few weeks for EFY, but only a few is not enough to sell me on a summer of otherwise nothingness, especially if those weeks are in Flagstaff, Arizona.