If I Were A Part of the Justice League

So a few weeks ago, right before I left for Logan EFY, I was at home one Saturday morning getting ready to go knock some doors and fix some chips... then I started watching Justice League Unlimited on youtube. Five hours later, I decided I wasn't going to go knock doors that day. Woops.
Thus I got started on this big DC kick lately, and the theme carried over to EFY. Our get-to-know-you question was "If you were a super hero, what power would you have and why?"

So here it is: if I were a part of the Justice League, I would be named Hizzazz, and my power would be that I could make any person on this whole freakin planet happy just by smiling at them. No better way to destroy your enemies than to make them your friends, right Abe Lincoln? I would wear a white zuit suit, complete with fedora and suspenders, and when I started dancing swing (which is my ultimate power) people would go blind from pure awesomeness!!
I guess I wouldn't be much of a match for the Joker...
So there you have it. Some of the other leaguers might call me sissy... but I would call myself suave. If only...

Now, if I were a supervillain, part of the INJustice League if you would, I would have the power to fog up glass. Some of you may have heard this before and already had the sinister possibilities explained to you, but in case you haven't... I could be really mean and fog up the windows of cars and planes so people get in wrecks and stuff, or fog the glosses of nerdy people so they become even more awkward. Then again, I would take it a sinister step further and fog up the glass of the frozen food sections in grocery stores, SO PEOPLE COULDN'T FIND THE ICE CREAM THEY WANTED TO BUY!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!
Then again, some of you may think that they could simply open the door and look, but come on... what a hassell!
Oh yeah, my name would be Razzlefest, and my outfit would change from day to day (gasp) with the only constant being a spiky helmet... or galoshes.

Thus it is! Then again, there is always Adventure Haver... but he's real. This is all about imagination. Pure imagination!

Que en el Mundo!?

So I told my boys about three weeks ago that I was hanging up the polo shirt for keeps. Time to move on in life. No more hanging out with 14-yr.-olds as my primary social life.
And then I get a call today offering me another week in Logan. It starts on Sunday. I'm just thinking, "Man, this joke never gets old does it."
I could have said no and tried to get by on fixing rock chips. But.... I decided to do what I do best: act really spazzy and be liked for it!
By all means, I still fix rock chips! So if you need any help on your windshield, I'll do it for free. Seriously. I'm not gonna tell you how cause I don't wanna solicit on my blog, even if I just did.
P.S. I work for George Bush. How many of you can say that?

Do you ever look back on your old blogs or journal entries and think your past self to be incredibly foolish?? Stupid Todd, you thought you were gonna write for the Daily Unipharse! Stupid Todd, you thought you could include the word "pants" in every single journal entry! Stupid Todd, you thought you were done with EFY.

One day when I look back on this entry, I will think how stupid Todd was for blogging about stupid Todd of the past. That'll be the day when I'm flying around in a turbo-car that my uber rich Polynesian wife bought for me to get me off my addiction to inhaling dishwasher fumes. Woa, randumb.

Book of the Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 8:

1. And the days of the summer ran low, and the man of little consequence felt the time running away as sand through the fingers of time.
2. And in those days he would often go forth from door to door as a cheap beggar, and offer a service that was indeed necessary, but not oftenly so. And the word oftenly may be deemed a mistranslation.
3. But the days were hot, and the walking made him faint and the sun beat upon his forehead as if he were a red-headed stepchild.
4. And there were some who would rebuke him for his begging, for they had a fixed resolution against strangers that would stand at their doors and knock. For this the man did mourn, for he was saddened when others hated him without truly knowing him, or even ever reading his blog.
5. So he was determined to find a new way of his begging, and this way would not replace the old way, but fulfill it.
6. But the Lord sought to teach him patience, and made him forgetful and caused the printer at his sister's to run out of ink.
7. And after a fruitless day the man did weep and wail and gnash his teeth, and he sought out small creatures to exact arbitrary vengeance upon.
8. But after this he was humbled, and sat down in sackcloth and ashes in front of his computer and vented his feelings through mock scripture.
9. Thus began his psalm:

10. The Lord has taught me patience this day, but tomorrow is another day, and I thirst anyway, so bring on the rain!
11. But may I now discount this last statement, and not only for copywright purposes, but also because it occurreth to me that my trials are indeed small.
12. For on the morrow I shall raise my head from my pillow (which calleth to me now) and choose happiness, and then shall I go forward with cheer like a whimsical advertising slogan.
13. And though I am tender-eyed and the ladies look but once then cast their eyes about for something more attractive or expensive, I have been given skills such as Bo-Staff skills and Pumbelling* skills and FreeCell skills that surely they would adore had they knowledge of.
14. Thou thought that thou wouldst make it through a chapter without the mention of ladies, didst thou? I say unto thee, it is not so.
15. And the Lord has placed the place of dog-foodish cheap things to eat (or as some would say, Taco Bell) upon this earth, that despite the pangs to my stomach the taste still lingers in my mouth that cost me so little.
16. For though the lady told others at the counter to have a great day, unto me she wished that my proceedings would be... awesome.

17. And after this silly and meaningless and rather uninspired psalm, the man of little consequence went forth and sought from that time forward to make his life... awesome.
18. But not until he rested for a night. Brethren, adieu.

*Footnote: derived from the English word "Pummel" meaning the random punishments dealt out to those smaller than the man of little consequence, particularly his nephews

Book of the Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 7:

1. And it came to pass that on the seventh day of the seventh month, the seventh child did write the seventh chapter.
2. And seven, being regarded as a number of perfection and completeness, was the main theme.
7. Therefore the chapter was translated for its perfection, and the audience could perceive it not.

Disappointment to the Billionth Degree!

Have you ever looked forward to something so much for a while and then it finally comes around and it lets you down?
If only I could put into words how much the Last Airbender movie was a universal disappointment... but I refuse to use the Utahn word "epic", even though it seems entirely appropriate on this occasion.
I am a big fan of the cartoon series. In fact, I think it might be my favorite cartoon series, so when they said that a live action movie was coming out and being directed by that Shyamalan guy, I was stoked. Then the previews came out and showed some pretty tight action and I got a little more stoked. Then I actually saw the movie and almost choked myself.
Just put it this way:
I would rather shove pencils in my eyes than watch that movie again!
I would rather wipe my bum with sand paper than watch that movie again!
I would rather watch Eclipse than watch that movie again!

I mean, putting a whole season of the cartoon into one live action movie is quite a feat. Understandably, the director or writer had to cut a lot of stuff out. But the movie was only an hour and fourty-three minutes. EVERYTHING was cut out of the middle. Lord of the Rings did a few 2+ hour movies and they worked... And not only that, the characters were undeveloped and the dialogue was choppy and dry. The movie was mainly humorless and the action, though decent, was overdramatic most of the time. The Fire Nation soldiers actually reminded me often of the puddies from the old Power Rangers show, with their flailing arms and dancing about behaviors.
And it wasn't only the hard core fans like myself who were disappointed. Every other person who left that theater, including my friends and roommates, were also expressing their surprise at just how awful the movie turned out to be.

And here come some very specific spoiler disappointments, so if you're still planning on wasting your time with this Dungeon and Dragonesque corniness, then I'd advise you to read no further.
The fire nation were all Indians. Where did they get that idea? The Water Tribe were all white people... what? Only the Earth Kingdom were appropriately Asians. Zhao was a femmy and eccentric weasel, as compared to the out-of-control and powerful maniac he was in the cartoon (voiced by Jason Isaacs), Sokka was a carbon copy of Zuko (angry and intense) with the pony tail being a bit much for me to swallow, and Aang was also just a depressed kid. Where was the fun? And if you're looking forward to seeing any of these characters, know that they all failed to make an appearance: Boomi, Suki, Jet, Jeong Jeong, Roku, the inventor people, and all of Jet's gang.

And amidst this scathing review, I have one positive note to add: the sets were pretty.

So if I was any of you reading this, I would wait for the dollar theater at most to see this. But maybe you should not taint the magic of the original series at all and just forgo seeing it altogether. Moral of the story: it's extremely difficult to turn an epic cartoon series (Gasp! I used the word) into a live action movie. Remember Dragon Ball Evolution? I've actually never seen the cartoon myself, but I've seen the movie and got a similar feel from it...