Why does it snow, precious?

Yes, it being April and everything, the snow makes me sad. It makes me so sad, in fact, that I start thinking of all the things that make me sad, which probably makes you think I'm gonna make one of those listy blogs again, but I'm not going there today. Instead, I will list one thing that has made me the most sad so far this summer:

They took out my rail south of campus!! You know those stairs that lead straight to 300 E? I always used to ride those rails (but not on Sundays, because it's the Sabbath and my dress pants make me go too fast). In fact, I used to look so forward to coming on to campus just because I knew I got to ride the rails on the way home. Now they're gone, gone away with all the shattered dreams and yesterjoys and made-up words that hint toward my meaning but are only manufactured for the sake of completing these sort of congeries and for sympathetic emphasis.

Speaking of not made-up wordses:
My little sister is a flibbertigibbet. No squiggly red lines under that one.
You can expect her to participate in any lollapaloozas around here, especially if there are doohickeys involved. At least she's not a ninnyhammer like me, doing naught but eating my slumgullion and leaving no orts or bezoars for my imaginary zedonks. Interrobang!!?
Good night, America!

It's Not Good...

Is it bad that I'm usually the first one done with my finals? I mean, for the Shakespeare final, there were but two essay questions. I was done in an hour and a half, and I even proofread it and everything, and I still left before anyone else... Of course, I had plenty of time to go get some Taco Bell.

Yesterday I reached for a door handle in the library and this girl walking beside me reached for it at the same time. I almost held her hand. She giggled.
Is it bad that this might be the closest I've ever gotten to holding a girl's hand if you don't count Disco Skating, which I don't?

Is it bad that I have this rather large paper due tomorrow, and I'm blogging instead of working on it?

Is it bad that I get excited every time Kobe Bryant takes a hard fall?

Is it bad that my tooth is loose again? You know, Waylon... he wants out again, I can feel it... literally.

Is it bad that I settle for a B- on a term paper instead of doing it over?

I don't think I'm a bad person. Maybe I settle for some things in life that I shouldn't, and maybe I just have some really awful luck... yet I am happy. What else matters?
Back to work

Dream Journal

I had a frightening dream last night, that I was at some sort of Basic Military Training Camp, but the exercises we took on were not really that basic. In fact, they were quite real and quite deadly. Not only did I have to run a great deal on my bum leg (which was still bum in my dreams), but we were given a task to storm a hill whereon three enemy tanks were lodged. Real enemy tanks. I somehow overheard an officer estimate 70 casualties amidst our troop of 150 recruits. Real casualties. I then had visions of running up the hill with nothing for defense against the bombardment of artillery shells but constant prayer and luck, which I somehow knew would fail me. So I did the only plausible thing and tendered my resignation right there and fled the camp, the whole while wondering, "How on earth did I think I was going to be able to do this?!"

So Jake, if Mr. Freud had anything to do with this, you are more of a man than I am.

Book of the Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 10

1. And now my brethren, and sistren, I beseech of you that ye do not procrastinate the day of working on your term paper until the end. For when the end cometh, then cometh the night of no sleep, wherein ye have no chance for sanity, but must compose words of incessant mediocrity and hope for participation grades.
2. For the man surely did not procrastinate this day as was implied, but did write his name and the date for all of his papers that were due on the final day of classes. And being thus past the status of "Not yet begun," he considered the matter in order, and left his labors for a season.

3. And lest the man should be exalted above measure through the abundance of runnings and jumpings, there was given to him leprechauns in his leg, who beat incessantly with tiny hammers that gave him much displeasure in the night.
4. For, for he could not sleep whilst the leprechauns beat upon his leg, or so was the imagination.
5. And thrice times thirty times did he entreat the Lord to remove the leprechauns.
6. But the Lord's grace was sufficient, and his strength was made greater in weakness..
7. Though his strength is not made greater in whininess, so the matter is left.

8. But one other thing may yet be whined about.
9. For the man did take ill, and the leprechauns ceased not their labors.
10. Thus his sleep was robbed, and he was seen to be watching the celebration of celestial gluttony (or as some would say, Man v. Food) in the wee hours of the morning.
11. And thus he subsisted on little sleep and much dreamings of excessive eatings.
12. And he called them not 'crunchings and munchings' despite the plural gerunds, for he despised the reference and the movie unto which it pertained.

13. And for all this, the day of Friday came, and he so excited. He, he, he so excited, for the morrow was Saturday, and then Sunday came afterwards. Fun, fun, fun, fun...

14. I implore your forgiveness for such a reference.
15. But the man slept and his classes came and went like a thief in the night, or rather, a thief in the morning, which would be a thief that would surely be caught.
16. Unless the man of the house was sleeping, for what man will try to break in and steal from the house of a strong man? For they will surely bind the strong man first, or drug him, or bribe him, or flatter him, or throw great amounts of putty at him until he moveth not, and then will they steal from him, assuming he has anything worthy to steal.

17. And the final day of his occupation drew nigh, and the people rejoiced, save only a few who deemed themselves Hate-onites, and they threw much hatings and gnashings at the man of little consequence.
18. But the man slew the Hate-onites with his smile and smart-alec wit, so they were much the more wroth and threatened to retire him early.
19. Of which he answered saying, "Surely, thou wouldst do me a great service by such an act, for the payment of my job is but small when considering that I must listen to the words of such paltry sluggards as thyself. Jump up and cut yourselves, and then will I hear thy whinings and wailings, and hatings, and gnashings of teeth."
20. For this, his coworkers deemed him the greatest of them all, if but for this season. And he received two and a quarter scores to be wasted in the store that hath not true merchandise (or as some would say, the BYU bookstore). And he murmured not at this.

21. And so the season came to a close, and a new chapter of the book of the man of little consequence was to be begun, if but for four months from now. For where goeth the man when the leaves turn red, and the celebrations of honor, valor, largeness, and man-stink begin? Not even the angels in heaven know...
22. And he ended this chapter, mentioning not his dealings with the females.

Some Commercials Just Need to be Posted

This one makes me giggle and homesick at the same time.