What Dreams May Go

The dreams of losing teeth continue to happen like some recurring nightmare. Every time it is the same... one or two of my teeth is loose and I will hypnotically mess with it either with my tongue or fingers until it comes out. The sudden vacancy then causes emotions of extreme depression slash anger at my dentists who didn't get it right AGAIN! What a relief it is to wake up in the morning with yet a full smile.
Then there are the mission dreams wherein I am usually quite conscious of having already served a mission in Sacramento. I always know that this is the second mission that I'm on, but only recently has the thought begun to creep into my subconscious: "Why am I getting called on another mission? Shouldn't I be focusing on a wife?!"

Those are the usuals. Interpret them as you may. However, just recently I remember having a pretty cool superpower that when I had just one contact in, I could look at people and see them as a much younger version of themselves... sorta like a lens that receives light from 10-15 years ago, a reverse Hubble telescope if you will. During the dream, as I was looking at a 22 year old version of my oldest brother wearing his coke-bottle glasses, I kept thinking of how I finally had something to blog about and stuff...

My Posts are Getting Real Short

So I was having a birthday the other day and it was pouring rain in Houston. I had been lost for about an hour or so and the kids in the car were starting to complain. Finally, we arrived at the place and they wouldn't let me be "Snaggletooth Patchbeard the Angry," so "Patchbeard" had to suffice. And even though my laser didn't work in round one, I went to town in round 2 shooting all those complaining kids with lasers! Peeyuw Peeyuw, KABLOOOM!!! Best... Birthday... Ever!! (No children were harmed in the writing of this post)

Witty Retorts

I don't know if anyone even uses this phrase anymore, but if anyone ever tells you,
"Why don't you say that to my face," you should say:

"Turn around and bend over and I will!"

Get it? Cuz they're a buttface?...

Late Night Sports Corner

It's midnight on the day, technically after, that wretched singles awareness shpeel. Some people went on dates and stuff--good for them. I took a huge nap after visiting the temple this morning so I'm finding it a bit difficult to shut down for the night, so I thought I'd call on Mr. Sandman via another boring and horribly misinformed post about sports.
And what's going on in sports that's marginally interesting? Linsanity. That's about it.
So sure, I'll toss in my one cent about the whole shibang that has taken ESPN absolutely by storm, but only because he made a game-winning three tonight (last night?) that dropped a proverbial vat of jet fuel onto the proverbial fire that this kid has lit under the nation. I mean, six game winning streak with superstar-esque numbers, and some of us still think it's a flash-in-the-pan burst benefiting from the brief absence of established talent in Carmello and Amare? Are we all believers now, America?
I don't think Mr. Lin is going away anytime soon. Let me tell you why:
When I read the news about his game-winner tonight (last night), I felt like David... "Is this real life?" I mean, can the stars really align so magnificently for some nobody out of nowhere? The odds are way too off for this whole thing... It only confirms my deepest suspicions.

The NBA is rigged!*

These aren't basketball players... they're actors! This is no different from WWF or whatever they call professional smack talk nowadays. David Stern starts to panic from a lack of interest in a season that everybody feels wasn't supposed to happen. Combine the short and sudden schedule with the increasing taint of player selfishness and top-heavy star power in bigger markets (does Charlotte even still have a basketball team?) and Stern makes a call to all the owners, GM's, coaches, and relevant players: code Papale. Everybody make way for the spark that will ignite the fandom of the nation from their pre-NFL draft stupor! 

I'm on to you, Mr. Stern. For all my readers who actually read when I put the word "Sports" in the title, just remember you heard it first here. And I heard it first from Dave McKean. 

*Disclaimer: I don't truly believe the NBA is rigged... The Pistons and Spurs dominated too much of last decade to ever validate that conspiracy theory.