Games I'd like to see in the Olympics

1. Fire Dancing: Ok, if they do gymnastics, surely they could approve any form of dancing! And maybe with this event, we could see Tonga win a gold medal... is Tonga even in the olympics? Come to think of it, I haven't seen a single poly ever competing. And why is Rugby not an olympic sport?

2. 100 M Sack Race (with a twist): It's like field day, with the latest technology aero-dynamic sacks on your legs, but in this race you get one over your head too, so it's not only a race against your opponents, but also a race against time before you run out of oxygen and die! And the paradox is that you have to use oxygen to actually pump your legs... intense!

3. Awkward Relay: Ok, in this one you have a HUGE pair of pants, and in order to run in the relay you have to be wearing them (and pretty much holding them up as you run). When you get to your next teammate in the relay, you have to take off the pants, and he has to put them on. Some strategies may include getting larger racers that would fit the pants more comfortably.

4. Midget Toss: Instead of throwing boring old metal balls anymore like in shot-put, why not throw a tiny, screaming person? How much more fun would that be!! And if you're really attached to the metal ball, put it in the midget's hands, and then have him throw it while in mid-air! The combined distance is your score.

5. Crash Team Racing: Possibly my best chance at ever winning a gold medal.

6. Aquatic Equestrian: Instead of horses, people ride dolphins or whales or seals or sea turtles or manatees or giant squids... so much possibility!

7. Canoe Wars!: Which team will capsize first? Oh wow, the Spanish have boarded the American canoe and both teams are now caught in swash-buckling action! And the Native Americans win again... surprise, surprise.

You know, after writing this blog, I realize human beings have invented infinite types of competitions, and most any thing can be made into a competition. So even though under-water basket weaving is NOT an olympic sport (just for the record), I'm sure someone somewhere is the absolute best in the world at it. And I'm really glad Michael Phelps is an American.