Book of The Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 3:

1. And it was late Friday night.
2. And the man of little consequence, being without a life, dwelt at his apartment.
3. And when his roommate returned, they, being of small stature yet with mighty vertical ability, did leap the couch as a great feat of strength many times.
4. Behold, no one was injured.

5. And upon the next day, there came females into his apartment, who confirmed that the message on the window was indeed a misfire.
6. And the man of little consequence sorrowed in his heart, for he expected that such was for another, yet there was still hope... but now no more.
7. And the message was thus: 'Sub Lord', in case thou hast forgotten.

8. In that same day, the man of little consequence went to the great city of abominable fans (or as some would say, Salt Lake City) and there looked upon in the coliseum as good triumphed over evil*.
9. And then went with his friends to the place of large burgers and fries that are made without trans fat (or as some would say, Carls Jr.)
10. Because of the deal on his card of starving students, he did order not one, but two Super Stars. And they were burgers of great proportion.
11. And he being a man not of great proportion, did eat but one, and saved the other in his pocket, not of his pants, but of his jacket.

12. And his friends desired to ice skate. The man of little consequence, being unlearned in such arts, yet agreed, for he feared that they would esteem his as a man of no fun.
13. So the time came for him to entertain by doing some trick, so the man of little consequence did that which he most excelled at, even falling upon his stomach.
14. Thus the burger in his pocket became burger casserole.
15. And many other times did he fall, which, if all recorded, perhaps not even all the words on this line could contain them.

16. But one other time is worth mentioning...
17. For they journeyed on the sidewalks of the city to return to their vehicles and return home.
18. And in those days there were many pillars on the sidewalk, about half the height of the man of little consequence, and made of stone.
19. And he and his friend did leap them with ease, using their hands.
20. But as the man of little consequence ran forth toward the next pillar, his friend called out to not use his hands, and being overconfident from the previous day's leaping of the couches, he did leap exceedingly high and exceedingly early, so that he came down upon the pillar between his legs and fell on the sidewalk. And those who passed by in horse-drawn carriages laughed him to scorn and pointed their fingers saying, "Thou great fool, repeat thy folly so we may have mirth in the many seasons to come just by the memory of thy stupidity!"

21. So the weekend ended most joyously, for notwithstanding his much fun from the previous night, the man of little consequence did interact with many females on Sunday, even just saying a few words.
22. Yea! This is great progress!
23. And now, he is baffled by how so many yet toil in the library for so long. Therefore, his semester seemeth all but over.
24. And he looked forth to the coming of Christmas, when he would return to the land of warm weather, flowing with milk and home-made food, and the thought of linear algebra would leave him for a season.


*BYU beat Utah State in basketball at the Energy Solutions Arena.