At home again

I know, everyone sees me every day when I am in Texas, so what's the point of blogging? Well, not everyone... there's always Jake and Lindsey's up in Utah and Becky in Arizona and Pete wherever he is.
So I've been home for a week now, and it's been super so far. I'm finding plenty to keep me occupied, and that's what makes life great. From hanging with my nephews and nieces to mowing the lawn on dad's new super-mower, I'm all set! And I enjoy the weather where I don't have to wear pants every day. Texas is like a no-pants zone after all...
...everybody wears shorts here.
Anyways, the only downfall of being home is a severe lack of social life... though this too can be remedied. We shall see...

Deep Thoughts

Are there ever any winners in this race of life? We know there are those who lose, but does anyone truly finish, or do they just survive? We could be at the head of every runner on the track, but it doesn't really matter, because tomorrow we only wake up to run the same race again. And the running makes us all so very tired...

Good thing I have the gospel and this philosophy is not a true reflection of my view of life. Time to pack my pants, see you tomorrow!

O Me of Little Faith

How sweet it is to be done with finals! Unfortunately, that's about as far as the sweetness goes...
As far as grades for the finals, they weren't stellar by any means (at least the ones I know about so far), but you never know what the curve holds in store. I worked my pants off and kept up on my homework this semester, that's what matters...
As far as finances, I want to be a red-blooded American and sue every time I think of Provo Police, or whoever handles parking violations. Ya, they gave me two tickets for one violation, less than six hours apart. Can they do that? Apparently they can, because I appealed them and the fines upheld, effectively screwing me out of 60 bucks. That's the equivalent of over 7 games of officiating. I did get the parking violation for campus voided, so that spared me 30 bucks. Nevertheless, I will still fight the city of Provo, so help me! This is one bowl of spinach life has thrown at me that I am going to throw right back!
I parked on half a red curb, by the way. The first ticket was given at 9 A.M., the next at 2 P.M. I was at school for both.
As far as the Rockets... I'm sorry, but it's over. This is not their season. We gave up two games at home to the Utah Spazz, and now we take them on in Salt Lake. Maybe next year right? We made history with 22, that's what almost matters...
And the finale, how goes it with the ladies? Have you ever had something on your computer not work, and you try the same thing over and over again to try and make it work, but it doesn't? Then a few weeks or a month go by, and you figure time has passed so maybe it will work now... but does it ever? Considering I used a computer analogy, you may be guessing the lady life isn't too hot. Yes, computers and ladies... two of the most frustrating things in my life. Along with Rockets and parking tickets and finals...
Sorry for the venting blog. I'm actually really happy right now. I'm going home in two days!! And if I was a giant hot dog, I'd probably eat myself!

Reflections of a retired official

My job is over... officially.
*snicker*

I just thought I'd take some time to reflect on the good times and the whimsical times and the times that made me want to punch somebody. We'll start with some of my favorite quotes from the intramural participants:

"Are you kidding me?"
(This is what I would say in my head to respond to this frequent question)
"Yes, I am kidding you. Let me just take that call back, because my job is just one big joke, and when I blow my whistle, it's just for fun... really."

"Hey, I know you guys are calling it fair, but call it both ways, ok."
(Again, my imagined response)
"Did you hear what you just said?"

"We're losing because of the refs!" (paraphrased)
This was said by a team that had only 4 players and lost by about 25 points. After this and several other uncalled for comments, the player was yellow carded and the game ended prematurely.

"What are your names?" (from a disgruntled player)
"My name is Todd Martin, I work for Emily Andrews in 145 RB. You can reach her from 10-5 on any weekday." That wasn't an imagined response.

"Double-you tee EFF!!!" (from one of the fans)
This one was hilarious for some reason to me. Have you ever seen an official burst out in laughter in the middle of a game?

"If there is contact, is that not a foul?"
"If your question is any more loaded, will it make a difference?" (My imagined response for the infinity times this question was posed)

Then there was the time where I called a "pantsing" foul on the guy who pulled down the pants of his defender to get open. Good times.

Then we have those classic instances where a team in desperation throws off one last hail-mary in the football game, which quickly becomes anybody's ball and as such there is a collision of half a dozen players going for the horrible pass. Afterward, the offensive players get up and stare at you waiting for a PI call to bail them out of their bad decisions. Nope... then you become responsible for their loss. Jon knows what I'm talking about.
And then in basketball, a player makes a ridiculous drive to the basket, loses balance and maybe grazes off an established defender or two, falls on the ground and, wait for it... yup there it is, the accusatory stare at you for not calling a foul. As a result, his man is left undefended and therefore gets an easy drive to the basket. Sweet justice.

One of my last games I reffed last night was 9 on 9 football. One team told me three or four times to watch for the split (a type of illegal rush when a defensive player runs between two offensive players less than a yard apart). Frankly, I can't call a split when the rushers are going around their players. Of course, I understand why they wanted it. One of the rushers was a girl. Ya, the only girl in the whole league. She must have got like five sacks that game, so of course, something about the rush had to be illegitimate. Of course! Later on the captain of the losing team found me in the hall of the RB and thanked me for throwing away the game for them. "No problem, any time!" That wasn't an imagined response either.

And I wrote about my last basketball game experience. Boy, when I called that foul, the crowd erupted to rival anything I've ever seen in the Marriot Center... or Minute Maid Park for that matter. All four of the players on that team were up in my face. Was I 100% sure that was a foul? No... Did I know there was only .3 seconds left on the clock? No... Am I glad I called that foul? Sure! We didn't have to go into overtime!

And so ends my career of dealing with poor sports, sore losers, whiners, egos, smart aleks, brawlers, and the occasional grateful saint who realized what you did was keep order in the game. Well, it may not be the final end of such, I could see myself coming back... but not for a while. The hours are just preventing me from doing so much I want to do, and this remains the principle reason why I won't be back next fall as an intramural referee.

Book of The Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 1
1. And it came to pass on the last hour of the last day at work, the man of little consequence did blow his whistle with but .3 seconds left of the tied game.
2. And the crowd was wroth and did breathe out much threatenings against him.
3. Therefore the man of little consequence did rejoice in ending his career as a referee in such manner, knowing all these things gave him experience and were for his good...
4. Nevertheless he besought his friend, Phil, who was large in stature to accompany him to his vehicle.

5. And it came to pass that on the next day, the man of little consequence took his mother and sister and nephew on a journey to the city of Salt Lake, and they visited the place where they display the artifacts of the history of Israel (or as some say, Church History Museum) and he was so moved that he spoke and wrote in archaic manner for the remainder of the week... or at least for this blog.
6. And on the journey back to the land of Orem, they did sup at Wingers, where the nephew of the man of little consequence did dip his hand in the ketchup and suck upon it.
7. And the mother of the nephew of the man of little consequence was wroth for her son did so with his hand and not his french fry.

8. And it came to pass that on the next day, the sun was hot, and the man of little consequence, being ignorant, did go forth to ref football anticipating colder weather. And his forehead and scalp and nose were burnt exceedingly sorely, and the word sorely was invented on the spot.
9. Nevertheless, the pain was but a small thing for the joy he had that night when the man of little consequence took the girl who will not be named to the festival of cacaphonous revelry (or as some say, the Ballroom Dance Concert). And she was much impressed by his culture, and did reward him with a genuine hug.
10. For all other women had as of yet given him sideways hugs...
11. And the man of little consequence thought to himself, 'For this act alone I may tell my father that I have done all that he asked me to do this weekend'.

12. And it came to pass that on the next day, being the first day of the week, before the man of little consequence even retired the previous day (therefore the term 'next day' may be considered a technicality) during the first hour of the morning, he was called upon by his brother-in-law.
13. And so he journeyed to the dwelling of his brother-in-law, where he entertained his nephew until the fourth hour of the afternoon.
14. And all this was because the mother of the nephew of the man of little consequence gave birth to the sister of the nephew of the man of little consequence.
15. Art thou yet annoyed at the superfluous words concerning the family of the man of little consequence?
16. And they named the child Elizabeth Marie, being after the middle names of her mother and grandmother.
17. And her initials would then be EMR.
18. Lindsey wept.
19. And the man of little consequence had reason to repent, for he had missed his Sabbath meeting for the first time in forty years.
20. Knowest thou that he is not yet forty years old? Therefore it is an exaggeration, albeit an accurate one.

21. This is the account of the most recent weekend of the man of little consequence.
22. And it can be said that it passed away as it were a dream, yea, a glorious and hectic dream.
23. Now behold, he has forgotten his pillow at the dwelling of his brother-in-law, and therefore must take on the night with great discomfort, even as a man whose pants are too thick in the summer.

Happy Weekend!

I finished last week with a pretty good score, doing well on my music test and presentation and then getting accepted into my fifth and final EFY week, the second in San Antonio! I was so excited about that one I almost wet my pants!
Anyways, conference was this weekend, which is like Christmas and then some considering my family was going to be here, or most of them at least.
I eat so much sugar when dad visits...
Dad, Jake and I spent pretty much all of Saturday in Salt Lake, from the morning session to the priesthood session. In between I met up with some mission buddies, and went to the afternoon session in the Joseph Smith Memorial building where we missed half of Elder Scott and Elder Perry due to a sudden evacuation of the building. I needed a pick-me-up around that time anyways.
And the day would have been worth it just to see President Monson wiggle his ears!
So you know I wasn't the little boy in his story, because I would have wiggled my ears right back, and flared my nostrils, crossed my eyes, and quoted the entirety of Monty Python! (For a full list of my uncanny talents, probably just add Muppet Treasure Island to the quotables)
Now they've all gone (except mom) and I'm back to the harsh reality of being on the brink of tears in the bloody testing center with a half-finished calc test in front of me. I also have four shifts of tournament reffing to look forward to (including 1-5 on Saturday, gag!), but when it's all said and done, I'll only have one week left of this semester.
And the Rockets play on.

Things I want to do before I'm through with BYU

1. Compete in raquetball intramurals.
2. Play the caralon (bell tower) again. I've already done it once.
3. Participate in a talent show where I sing my version of "Long December"... called "Long Semester"
4. Hear someone rip one really loud in the testing center... even if it's me.
5. Use the bathroom in every building on campus (there's about 200 or so, I've tagged probably about 15).
6. Go on a date with a different girl every day for a week, maybe excluding Sunday.
7. Have a picnic on top of the SWKT.
8. Instead of greeting people with the usual "Hello", or "How are you?", I'll say, "Giddyup!" or "Nice Pants" for like a month... or just a day.
9. Audition for some singing group, maybe Vocal Point... ya right...
10. Graduate with a MRS degree, with all benefits included.


It's not an ALL inclusive list of my goals here. Each one could be a cool story to remember about BYU though.