Book of The Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 1
1. And it came to pass on the last hour of the last day at work, the man of little consequence did blow his whistle with but .3 seconds left of the tied game.
2. And the crowd was wroth and did breathe out much threatenings against him.
3. Therefore the man of little consequence did rejoice in ending his career as a referee in such manner, knowing all these things gave him experience and were for his good...
4. Nevertheless he besought his friend, Phil, who was large in stature to accompany him to his vehicle.

5. And it came to pass that on the next day, the man of little consequence took his mother and sister and nephew on a journey to the city of Salt Lake, and they visited the place where they display the artifacts of the history of Israel (or as some say, Church History Museum) and he was so moved that he spoke and wrote in archaic manner for the remainder of the week... or at least for this blog.
6. And on the journey back to the land of Orem, they did sup at Wingers, where the nephew of the man of little consequence did dip his hand in the ketchup and suck upon it.
7. And the mother of the nephew of the man of little consequence was wroth for her son did so with his hand and not his french fry.

8. And it came to pass that on the next day, the sun was hot, and the man of little consequence, being ignorant, did go forth to ref football anticipating colder weather. And his forehead and scalp and nose were burnt exceedingly sorely, and the word sorely was invented on the spot.
9. Nevertheless, the pain was but a small thing for the joy he had that night when the man of little consequence took the girl who will not be named to the festival of cacaphonous revelry (or as some say, the Ballroom Dance Concert). And she was much impressed by his culture, and did reward him with a genuine hug.
10. For all other women had as of yet given him sideways hugs...
11. And the man of little consequence thought to himself, 'For this act alone I may tell my father that I have done all that he asked me to do this weekend'.

12. And it came to pass that on the next day, being the first day of the week, before the man of little consequence even retired the previous day (therefore the term 'next day' may be considered a technicality) during the first hour of the morning, he was called upon by his brother-in-law.
13. And so he journeyed to the dwelling of his brother-in-law, where he entertained his nephew until the fourth hour of the afternoon.
14. And all this was because the mother of the nephew of the man of little consequence gave birth to the sister of the nephew of the man of little consequence.
15. Art thou yet annoyed at the superfluous words concerning the family of the man of little consequence?
16. And they named the child Elizabeth Marie, being after the middle names of her mother and grandmother.
17. And her initials would then be EMR.
18. Lindsey wept.
19. And the man of little consequence had reason to repent, for he had missed his Sabbath meeting for the first time in forty years.
20. Knowest thou that he is not yet forty years old? Therefore it is an exaggeration, albeit an accurate one.

21. This is the account of the most recent weekend of the man of little consequence.
22. And it can be said that it passed away as it were a dream, yea, a glorious and hectic dream.
23. Now behold, he has forgotten his pillow at the dwelling of his brother-in-law, and therefore must take on the night with great discomfort, even as a man whose pants are too thick in the summer.