Book of the Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 4:

1. And it was the end of the third month of the second year since the return of the man of little consequence. And the end of the semester drew nigh.
2. And this is a time of great stress; of weeping and wailing and gnashing of papers and chewing of pants and random bouts of loud laughter.
3. And the man of little consequence did howl and leap about the room, and spittle fell down into his beard, for he had not shaved in many days.
4. Three was the number of papers he had due, and the number of papers he had due were three.
5. Four was not the number of papers he had due, neither had he two excepting that he then proceeded to three.
6. Five is right out.

7. Then came the time for the man of little consequence to make decisions of great consequence.
8. But he shied away, for he was not ready to make great decisions, nor was he known for such.
9. And he continued to await the sign in which the miraculous delivery system (or, as some say, gmail account) would read, "EFY contracts available".
10. Behold! Twice has the sign appeared, but the second time was for a week far into the summer, isolated by surrounding undecided time as Gilligan's island.
11. For this his excitement was naught.

12. And it came to pass that he ate hamburger that had been opened in the fridge for nearly forty days, albeit forty is a bit of an exaggeration, though an accurate one.
13. And his stomach was wroth, and his head did spin.
14. And he spoke to the hamburger helper, "Almost, thou persuadest me to be a vegetarian".

15. And it came to pass that the man of little consequence did not complete his home teaching by the end of the month.
16. And it seemed as if he were cursed and his milk and ice cream became slippery to him.
17. But such was not so, for he only consumed such in vast quantities and forgot the joy shortly thereafter in the ensuing nausea.
18. And he left this blog for a time to consume the last of the cookies and cream.

19. And this law he kept above all others in the third month of the second year since his return- thou shalt be frugal! Thou shalt not shop when thou art a hungered, nor shalt thou spend frivolously thy time on video games.
21. This he kept in his heart as he enjoyed the day's third bowl of ice cream.
22. And the cookies and cream were no more.

23. The man of little consequence went forth to play basketball.
24. And an aquaintance, yet not a friend, of the man of little consequence was poked in the forehead so that he writhed and convulsed on the floor.
25. And the man of little consequence did ask, "What, wast thou indeed raised from thy childhood by pillows?"

26. And when he had returned from his date, his roommates did enquire of him, "Didst thou lose thine virgin lips?"
27. And he answered them in a parable saying:
28. "Which is more likely, that the man of little consequence would kiss a woman, or that he would one day go to school without wearing pants?"
29. And they answered, "The second".
30. And the man of little consequence replied, "Neither do I answer your question. Go now, and torment me no longer..."

31. This is the account of the third month of the second year of the man of little consequence.
32. And it is a somewhat altered version of truth, for this book is not a perfect book.
33. And the man of little consequence did grow hungry for his fourth bowl of ice cream, and feared making the keyboard exceedingly sticky, so he left off his record for a season.