The Other Night, Act III

In the apartment, about six or seven weeks later from the other night. The clown sits alone and muses to himself.

Clo: Six weeks, six weeks we have been at this game.

Fair Mandolin, you play with me so much

That I forget the very existence

Of other girls beyond your fashioned world,

And their faces all morph to seem your own,

Their voices are but background noise to yours

Which resonates sublimely in my ears

And quickens all my faculties and life.

For life you gavest me less only than

My mother and my God whom I hold dear,

And in regard greater than you only

By lengths too small for eye or heart to find

Though forged by years of selfless parentage

Or for the latter zealous devotion.[1]

Oh why have I succumbed to be this man?

A man who spurns logic for flighty whims

And lives by codes, sneered upon up until

This day when I so voluntarily

Forfeit my God-given autonomy.

Six weeks and I, prepared to give my all,

Receive so little from the hand which holds

This leash about my neck, oh glorious leash!

Of hands, of lips, of invites of her own

She gives me nothing save weekly ascent

To be together for a night or two.

Give me a sign, give me encouragement[2]

In slight or major form it matters not,

Only save me from this sad foolery

And make me feel not as a greater clown

Than ever yet I knew to be in life.

Enter Klein and Rivers

Kle: I hear from most credible sources that your sojourns with the lady are moving splendidly and with more continuance than every yet such a jester enjoyed.[3] For what reason are we ever kept in the dark concerning thy personal affairs?

Clo: For personal they are and mine alone.

When I have reason to inform the world,

Let it be known the world shall be informed.

I ought not for ought’s sake say aught but aught[4]

Is relevant to permanence[5] alone.

Kle: I understand not the reason, and whatever you so superfluously say, it cannot be greater than the privilege of a friend[6] residing in your same apartment.

Riv: Klein, you harbor no ill will towards this man? Was it not so long past you sought the lady implied here for your own?

Kle: Klein cares not for such a thing of the past.[7] She chose her jester and dismissed that which she knew not the value of, and for this I bid you, jester, peace and luck, for the latter you will need greater portions of. Anon, you must betray the details, however, of how your courtship fares.

Klein pulls out his guitar, Ludovicio, and begins to absently strum while listening.

Riv: Put it away, the instrument will drown out the details for which you so hunger.

Kle: Perhaps so, but it mattereth not if he will not impart for any purpose.

Clo: Truly, you want to know how my life fares?

For one as I, supporting cast I am,[8]

It never fares so fair that I am thrust

Into the light; the forefront of the stage

Whereon we play this game that worlds may view.

Riv: It does not fare well, then, with Mandolin?

Clo: If thou meanest “farewell” by this fare well,

It does, for I prepare to bid her such.

Kle: What reason have you when any lady will put herself thus forward for such a froward[9]?

Riv: Didst thou just invent a word, Klein? Leave the puns to him whose title suggests mastery in such.

Clo: I know she is agreeable[10], at least,

Always agreeing to my inquiries,

Yet every date feels like the first and yet

Potentially the last which frightens me,

I am afraid to spend these chips in vain

These chips of interest, like poker chips[11]

They may return so much, or leave this man

A broken and a desperate carcass.

Riv: Surely this is adverse to your health. Cut off this cur before the damage becomes too great. Women are naught but distractions, and I have dabbled for the sake of obedience[12] at times, but never so indulged myself as this. Yet see how I make merry with my plans and goals ever becoming closer with each passing moment spent so constructively on that which does not fly away on sudden whimsy.

Kle: Nay, good man. Woman is perfection, and perfection was meant to be enjoyed by man. Reel her in! Do not hesitate at the sign of struggle! Even the bible states forthright that we are fishers of women.[13] Then, with confidence, take your fish and if she suits you not, toss her back into the ocean where she may seek the bate of another.

Clo: You speak of confidence and rightly so,

For here it lies the greatest feat for me

To confidently seek a new frontier

Of which I never yet experienced.[14]

(Aside) And yet to be like Klein seems wrong to me,

So wrong to bar me from such forwardness.

Enter Snow from the other room

Sno: I overheard this heinous advice and could not rest until it was refuted. Women are not fish to be caught and discarded as Klein has done his whole life. A woman who at least desires compatibility is an idol to be sought after. The fact that they would so condescend to even consider the lesser man makes it a privilege for us to even be in their company. They are goddesses to our acolytes. Dost thou pay me heed on this?

Clo: Again? Forgive me, I only was thinking of

The painting called, “We Four” which may’nt exist.[15]

Sno: So wasted are these words of compassion and wisdom on a joker, no less!

Kle: Wasted for their foolery. He was right not to pay thee heed, for what knowest thou concerning women who hide away in your cave night and day and associate so little with flesh ungenerated by pixel and imagination.

Sno: I associate often with the opposite gender, and have been virtually married thrice now.[16]

Kle: You ridicule yourself ere more by this sordid confession! Virtual marriages!? On virtual dates did you take them!? Forsooth, this is laughable to the extreme!

Sno: And yet I, in my pseudo-world, have practiced chivalry more than you could ever be familiar with. I treat these women with the great respect of which they deserve. To see them in truth would only taint the perfect bond which I share with them.

Clo: Good Snow, are you quite sure they are women?

Avatars in game can be misleading,

Especially when gender’s considered.

At least in my sparse knowledge of these games.

Rivers and Klein laugh.

Sno: I hear their actual voices when they speak, and I assure you they are most feminine! [17]

Riv: It seems to me that there are two ends of this spectrum: Confidence and respect. Klein and Snow represent the extremes of both, and while Klein will have success, it will be short-lived and without the true joy of a relationship. Snow, on the other hand, will treat women with so much reverence he will seem himself without confidence in their presence, and to be without such puts one in a most friendly, but never a progressing situation.

Clo: Again, the middle ground seems most ideal.

Again, this everpresent theme: balance.

Kle: What would this man know of women? He cares not but for his books and… his book. Are women books to be read and studied, oh scholar?[18]

Riv: Again, I once merely dabbled in such affairs, but not even I can discern this great mystery. I fathom thou hast also failed in this endeavor, Klein, for there is no interaction thou hast with women that brings you not to lamentations, much to all of our chagrins.

Kle: (Singing and playing his guitar) “Such silly roommates live with me,

That deal with girls so silly-ly

Who never lips to lips they touch

As I have done so very much!”

Sno: Shallow strumpet of a man!

Riv: Vain and senseless charlatan!

Clo: Attention-starved fustilarian!

Snow, Rivers, and the clown high five each other. [19]

Kle: Fools! Mock but you shall mourn for Ludovicio and I have never been in wont of womanly warmth, and yet you strive for the hand of even your imaginary girlfriends!

Clo: Why yes, I knew this girl, Emma Ginary[20]

But time, that slow devil, parted our ways.

I now make my acquaintance with one, May,

Who is by far the most improved of both.

May Dup[21], that is, and not a fault she has.

Snow, Rivers, and the clown high five each other again.

Something buzzes in the clowns pocket.

Clo: Is there a thing more anxious than a ring?[22]

Alas, this miracle beckons my time,

And sets me on a road for joy or pain

I know not til I look and see the name.

Tis she! Tis she! Oh how unset I am!

How confidence flies out yonder window.[23]

Excuse me sirs, I take my wares elsewhere.

Clown moves into the other room, but is still visible to the audience…

Sno: Strange that he may act so after six weekends of dating.

Kle: Six? You knew of this business?

Sno: From the start. I alone he trusts with his secrets, for I associate not with flesh ungenerated by pixel or imagination.

Kle: May he take my heed and cowboyest up… cowboy uppest… oh, poison on my tongue to speak so!

Sno: May he take my heed and reverence her as demi-goddess. A Level 70 Axerothian[24] Demi-Goddess.

Riv: May he take my heed and do neither extreme, but be himself.

Clo: (In the other room still) May I take all their heeds and live them such

To change as I must change and yet

Remain as I myself, altered for her

And repentance alone.[25]

Answers the phone

Yes, Mandolin?

Exeunt All.[26]

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[1] If I have erroneously described twitterpation, forgive me… it is not a very familiar feeling for me

[2] Here is good advice for all women: If you are interested, SHOW INTEREST!

[3] The fools and clowns in Shakespeare’s plays typically do not progress in their relationships with anyone

[4] Mull it over in your mind for a while and maybe it’ll make sense

[5] I.e. Perhaps if the clown has reached a stage wherein he is committed to something eternal (proposal), then he would share more info on his personal life

[6] Klein is a friendly guy, albeit he can be arrogant and thoughtless at times

[7] Klein also slips into third person at times, kind of like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

[8] The clown is unaware that he is actually the focus of an amateur imitatio written by a silly college student

[9] Actually, it is a real word, used in Middle English, no less; Shakespeare would approve

[10] Being a pun on the common use of the word ‘agreeable’ for likeable persons (particularly with Jane Austen novels) as well as the fact that she agrees to go out with him every weekend

[11] The phrase, “chips of interest” or “emotional chips” was originally coined by Hamful, in Martin’s Hamful Act III (see regularguylife.blogspot.com, January 2009)

[12] Following the prophet’s counsel to seek a family life

[13] Being a misquotation of Matt. 4:19 and corresponding gospel scriptures; “Fishers of men”

[14] He is a clown, after all

[15] A reference to Twelfth Night’s clown, Feste: When the clown approached two other gentleman, he asked them if they were familiar with the painting, “We Three” which refers to a painting depicting two ‘asses’ looking at the viewer, suggesting the viewer is the third ‘ass’. In this case, the clown sees three others

[16] I saw a virtual marriage happen once on “The Guild,” which is a small web series probably not really worth your time

[17] Female gamers do exist, and many of these MMORPG’s have hardcore players that do all communication via headsets; in reality, I have never touched an MMORPG

[18] By Berowne’s reasoning, yes! (Love’s Labour’s Lost)

[19] The harmonious rhythm definitely warranted a high-fvie

[20] Being a reference to a joke I made up in high school; if you don’t get it, try saying the name faster

[21] Another joke that goes hand-in-hand with the Emma Ginary pun

[22] Does he refer to a phone’s ring, or an engagement ring? Probably a phone’s ring…

[23] Another quote from Hamful

[24] A made up term, remarkably similar to the Warcraft realm name of Azeroth; you know, copyright stuff

[25] One of life’s greatest paradoxes: How do we remain true to ourselves, but still remain open minded enough for change in the way of repentence?

[26] I didn’t know just how much my family was reading this until I got some reactions from this little cliff-hanger. People wanted to know who my ‘Mandolin’ was in life, so I had to assure them that this is fiction and not at all based on a true story