2009 Recap and 2010 preview...

You know, there are things I really don't look forward to when I come home to Texas. For instance, I see all these familiar faces that I haven't seen in a while and they all have the same questions--about school, about graduation, about girlfriends and marriage, and work. When my responses are usually "No idea", "No progress", and "Plasma donation", some of them possibly think about what a loser I am. Ultimately, what a regular guy. I mean, it's been two and a half years since the mission, and I don't have much to show for it. All the people my age from the old stake are married off and heading in the direction that their lives seem to need to go, and here I am, the one who never changes.

Well, it's about New Years, so it's that sentimental time of looking back on the year and reflecting on the good and bad of 2009, and what truly did change.

First and foremost, there are changes that occur that you, the audience, will never be aware of. My family often speculates that there is some secret love, but I assure you, this is not the case. Yet. I am referring to the types of experiences that occur with weekly attendance to the temple, too sacred to impart. One thing I learned is that our understanding of each other here on this earth is very shallow. It seems ironic that these most defining events of my life, and most people's lives, are things that are between the individual and their god. These are the things that I don't tell the people who wonder, and because they happen, I don't feel so bad about being the same person in their eyes.

School happened too, and very little of it this year. From part time to barely full time schooling, I feel I'm still in that transitional period between majors, and between deciding what I want to do for the rest of my life. Again, when I say that my major is Print Journalism of all things, I'm sure there are some who doubt that I have a future at all (what with the dying industry and all). How little they know about my plans... and how little I plan about my future.

The summer was almost a carbon copy of 2008's summer, but with more annoying orientation videos. Yes, EFY didn't turn out exactly as I planned, but I still managed to coast through with wonderful experiences and a bit of cash to spare.

And everybody experiences their hard knocks. Fortunately for me, the hardest of knocks were bad test grades, parking fines, and the passing of my long time feline friend.

Now here I am, back in Texas awaiting the family football game on New Years and being so bored in the meantime that I write lengthy blogs about my narcissistic self, while the family watches cheesy ABC family movies in the next room. The good thing is that it's noon, and I know there is a refrigerator here packed with glorious morsels that I only dream of back at school.

Cheers for the New Years, everyone! I hope that you all had as stellar a year as I did. Let's eat some cake.

I Cast My Jinx Upon Thee!

You know, when I write about BYU or the Rockets, they end up doing bad. It's like I have this power to hex teams that I write about on my blog.
So, how bout them Lakers, huh?
They're pretty good, but don't get thinking that they're gonna repeat so easily. 16 home games and 4 road games... and I'm just waiting for Ron Artest to reveal himself as double-agent for the Rockets as he shanks Kobe in the locker room one day. We can always dream, right?
And what exactly is a "Laker"? I know they used to be in Minnesota, but what would their mascot be, a giant body of water? Oh no, a bunch of overgrown puddles just challenged us to a pickup game! I think the only thing more woosy would be a pair of short shorts.
Tell you who I wouldn't want to play in basketball: A Velociraptor. Or a Wizard. I would shoot the ball and the wizard would be like "Expelliarmus!" and the ball would fly into the other goal. How embaressing.

Sometimes I Complain

On this the last day of classes, I decided to drive my car since it was freezing outside. In order to do so, I had to get rid of the ice on my windshield, but my scraper fell apart so I threw warm water on it. This worked like a charm... until the warm water subsequently froze on my windshield. It was 6 degrees outside. And my house is drafty...
It's now been over a week and a half since Waylon was supposed to be replaced with the bridge. Apparently, the crowns haven't come in yet. Every day they say they will be delivered, but still they do not come! I dare not leave this place... I am dangerous; more dangerous than any wild animal stalking its prey!
It's from a musical.
Anyways, big news but not so big: earlier this week I turned in an application to do that which I must do, even if I don't particularly enjoy it: officiate intramural sports. On Monday, I went in for an interview. Many familiar faces... they told me I'd receive notification via e-mail on Wednesday on whether or not I'm in. It's Thursday, and no word.
As I was walking back from the interview, I ran into this girl that invited me to come play racquetball Wednesday morning. I was so excited that I forgot to mention to her that I had an important class at that time in which the final would be discussed. Mercifully, the class ended early, so I still had time to get my stuff and see if she was there. I rushed home and threw my racquetball stuff in the car, and then drove to campus. Now, driving to campus anywhere between 9 a.m. and 2 p.m. is always a bad idea. Foiled by parking again! After 20 minutes of fruitless searching for a vacancy anywhere on campus, I threw in the towel.
After all this, I am stuck wondering why my life is kind of like a sitcom, where I am a minor comic relief character that never progresses because it would ruin a whole string of running jokes.
On a positive note, Tuesday night was a lot of fun. You guessed it, country dancing again, and not just the club night type. I mean, this was a big shindig like the dance labs of yesteryears where you get extra credit for bringing refreshments. I kind of forgot about the whole refreshments thing, but luckily I had an unopened box of Mini-Spooners that actually serves as great finger food, but is more likely to get overlooked in the presence of sugar cookies and salty chips. And indeed, it was overlooked--extra credit and I still have that unopened box of Mini-Spooners. The dancing was a lot of fun too, my Canadian cowboy instructor was the Dj, and I almost died during the line dances because I was feeling light-headed after selling plasma earlier in the day.
So now I am here home alone, as my roommates study fervently for finals. I am done with class and homework, and I have only two finals (one of which is a take-home essay type, my favorite!) and a benchmark on Tuesday. What then? Well, eventually I'll be back to say howdy to the good weather and good cookin'.
Maybe I could find a girl to bring home in, what, ten days? Snicker...

A Dangerous Past Time

I'm afraid I've been thinking...
I wear the same green fleece, pants, and tennis shoes to school every day. People must think I never change clothes.
Then, today I had to sneeze so I lifted my sleeve to sneeze into it and ended up punching myself in the nose instead. Haha!
At the end of the week, the high for Provo is 30, and the low is 8. That's 8, period. Combine this weather with the sparks that fly every time I touch my car door, and Utah is not a very likable place. Oh well, give me two more weeks and I will retire to a warmer and less static-y environment. For a time...

Danger: Opinion Ensuing!

You know, I love sports. I really do. Few things in this life get me more exciting than the upcoming Turkey Bowl at our house, or an intramural basketball game, or just the usual pick-up games on Tuesday nights, or volleyball class at 8 o'clock in the morning...

I know what you're thinking: "Wow, Todd. You really ought to get out more... or maybe kiss a girl sometime." True.

But now is a time for reflection for me. As much as I love to play sports, watching them is really going down-hill. Although the win tonight was magical over Utah, I wonder what life would have been like had the game gone awry like last year... oh that terrible feeling of bitter irony, knowing how much enthusiasm was replaced by disappointment and sullen resentment since that historic win over Oklahoma (which lost its historic-ness as the season progressed and OK faltered). Yet, we did win, and as wonderful and elating as sweet vengeance is, I find it a bit tarnished by the ensuing comments of Max Hall.

"I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, their fans. I hate everything," Hall said. "It felt really good to send those guys home.... I think the whole university and their fans and the organization is classless. They threw beer on my family and stuff last year and did a whole bunch of nasty things. I don't respect them and they deserved to lose."

You know, my first reaction to seeing this quote was satisfaction. Hoorah, somebody agrees with me! Here we have evidence supporting my claims that Salt Lake is the city of abominable fans. And Max is right. Utah was classless, from what stories I heard of my BYU fan aquaintances that attended the game last year.

But then I remembered watching the game and thinking to myself, "I'm kind of glad I'm not there." The U of U is not alone in its classlessness. I find that fans everywhere, more than anything else, are angry, egotistical, and unrestrained. Wow, I sound really snooty and high-nosed here, but let me assure you, I AM NO EXCEPTION. I felt just as angry when the officials called the ball dead after BYU clearly recovered an obvious fumble (turns out they blew the play dead because the runners helmet came off and they were concerned for his safety), I just wasn't as verbal about it, but I would have been had I been surrounded by other outrageously boisterous fans. I've been an official before, too, and I know what it's like to be the object of hatred of everyone paying attention to your game. Perhaps that is why I am writing this blog.

Here's a shout out to "Bob Smith", the guy who called me a puss. You made this ranting possible. And here's another to my high-school basketball coach, Shannon Taylor. If I ever see you again, I might just kick you in the groonies. Shannon... snicker.

So, I know it's wishful thinking to say the world should embrace sports as what they were meant to be: recreational and friendly fun. Not gonna happen in our competitive world. Fans and players alike will go on hating people that they have never met apart from wearing a rival's uniform, and I will take all the absurdity into account before I drop another hundred-some odd bones on next year's All-sport pass, cause I probably ain't graduating anytime soon.

For what it's worth, Todd Martin. Good day.

The Stache Strikes Again!

So I asked out this girl the other day, and she was like, "I don't go out with pedophiles"*. Must be the stache.
I played a five dollar game of basketball yesterday, and realized how much I am going to miss playing with my brothers because I get in too late on Tuesday and because Jon will be in Utah. I love basketball! I am already implementing it into my birthday party for next year.
P.S. It was a pick up game, and I introduced myself as Todd, but they all called me Stache.
NNNAAAACHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

*Todd is not a pedophile, in fact the girl didn't even say this. She was busy or something, but I mostly stopped listening when she started with 'Satruday is really packed'.

This is My Only Number

This week felt really really social-ish. Wanna know why? Too bad...
Let's just say that on Monday I won a pony, Tuesday I was gone country, Wednesday I went to a thirty minute dance party, Thursday I went on a ward temple trip, Friday I played racquetball and beat a girl (two out of three games), and Saturday was yesterday where I went to DanceSport.
By the way, I am really consistent in this DanceSport thing. I was one round away from making the quarterfinals in Country Swing. It may sound impressive, but I really only made it to the second round again. That's the third time.
So there's a lot more to these stories, but I've got two words for you... and it's the same two words I tell the ladies that want me to shave the stache; "Too bad".
Or you could just talk to me in real life, if you gots the time.

Two Good Things in One

The voice of Tim Curry on the show Freakazoid! There is no cure for this awesomeness!

Life's Recurring Themes

I would have named this post "Deja Vu All Over Again" in a tribute to Yogi Berra, but I've already used that title. Yet another of life's recurring themes.
The real pickle deal here started the other day when I was brushing my teeth... and Waylon (that's the name of that fickle fake tooth that often falls out of my mouth) starts moving again. I'm thinking, "Great, here we go again". I knew Waylon's days were numbered, and this knowledge seemed to wrack my sleep with unspeakable nightmares. Sometimes I take these late afternoon naps, and every one I took for the last three days was accompanied by nightmares of Waylon falling out. I'm not kidding! Today's was particularly nasty: I remember thinking in the dream that without that tooth and with this mustache, I pretty much qualified for the ugliest person on earth (it's only what I thought in the dream, it's not a reflection of what I think in real life). With that revelation, I sat down on the ground, in my dream, and cried. Do you know what it's like to cry in your dreams? You can feel the despair, the depression, the dry-throat, sobbing, emotion-stuffed worst-day-of-your-life feeling in your sleep! I know I certainly did!
Then I woke up from my nap and not two hours later, the so-called "permanent" fell out when I was eating a sandwich. I sat down and cried. Not really... but I felt like it.
I AM THE UGLIEST MAN TO EVER WEAR PANTS UPON HIS HEAD AFTER AN EFY DEVOTIONAL! Let the world know it!
Such is life.
Here's something to cheer you up as you are certainly drying your tears from this downer:

Movember Update

November is Movember. For more information, click here.
So there is an actual person in my ward here at BYU that has cancer. I don't know what kind, I really don't think it's testicular, but he has cancer! He came to church one day without any hair, and when I asked him when he joined the ROTC, he told me the real story of chemo-therapy. Is that how you spell chemo? Keemo? Hmph... I didn't pry too much, knowing it could be a sensitive subject.
In light of all this, I am growing a mustache this November for testicular cancer awareness... or rather, just for awareness. I find it a truly noble cause, because I am down-right hideous with this growth on my upper lip. I'm pretty sure they turned me away from the plasma clinic yesterday for just being ugly (They claimed I had too few proteins in my blood after I had just eaten two home-made cheeseburgers... ya right!). So, expect Ignacio Libre to turn up for Thanksgiving in a few weeks, definitely not Todd.
Who will be a mo-bro with me!?
In other news, one of my desperate attempts for income was signing up for online survey taking. Now when people ask me what I do for my job, I tell them that I am a marking research assistant, and it's not that far-fetched if you think about it. I could be just getting scammed through all this, but you never know until you give it a try. Right? Why did they ask me my pants size?
In other other news, I got two sets of ladies' digits in one day, and did so much country dancing I almost died! Man, with all this social activity, you think I'd get a date someday or something.
Finally, I went to mentor's day today for print journalism, and received inspiration for how I may yet get my foot in the bolted door know as the Daily Universe. It all starts with Movember.

Here's a rare funny video from a recent SNL that has only one swear word in it.

Ok Mr. Freud...

So I had this crazy dream last night...
I was on a vacation somewhere in the US with mom and dad and maybe some siblings too. We are all staying at a hotel somewhere along a lonely street... and then we are in a train, racing through some wooded area at an alarming speed. I look out the window and see all these skinny trees and think to myself, "Wow, if this train were to go off the track, I would be in a world of hurt." So then we are at some chapel somewhere where there is a large gathering of people eating food at various tables... kind of like a "break the fast" or something, except there is this one table that has all this chocolate food on it: chocolate pie, pancakes with chocolate syrup instead of regular syrup, and a strange package full of Easter candy. I ask my dad if I can have some of the chocolate stuff and he says, "Yes, the Martin family is allowed three a piece", and then he talks with mom for a bit and then says, "Actually, you can have five items, not just three." So I go over to the chocolate table and start to cut myself a piece of chocolate pie and this strange lady comes up and asks what I am thinking eating from the chocolate table. I say my dad said I could, and then I realized how childish that statement seemed, so I reassured her, "The chocolate is so rich, I am only going to take two items anyways." Then Ben comes up to the table and pulls a star-burst egg out of the bag of Easter candy, which is like a starburst jelly-bean only the size of a Cadbury egg. I'm feeling a bit jealous at his awesome find, but then I realize that there are actually multiple Starburst eggs in the package, along with a small plastic container of flourescent, transparent, and altogether very cool looking hair gel. I pick it up, and then my roomy's alarm goes off and I'm back to reality... if only for a while.

Also, Saturday night I had a dream of pretty much the worst day of my life. I was feeling really nauseated, which is like the worst feeling in the world for me, and then people started turning their backs to me so it was like I didn't even exist. Then, one of my REAL bottom teeth fell out. I think it rotted out actually. It was in the very front, I can even point to which one. Back in the dream, I realized I didn't do the assignment that was due that day for school. I thought to myself (in the dream) "This is pretty much the worst day of my life".

So, I think I've had WAY too much Halloween candy over the past few days. Or maybe it's a vision, and I need an interpreter to tell me what they mean... What are your thoughts?

Don't be such a Halloweenie!

It's Halloween eve, but it feels like Halloween has already come and gone for me.
That's great news, because I can officially bust out the Navidad music! Because up to this point, I have only been listening to it unofficially. What can I say, I am my mother's son.
This week came and went largely as any other. Classes bringing discouragement for the future punctuated by brief periods of ecstatic volleyball and country dancing... and then Friday came. We lost our last flag football game of the regular season to complete our record of 0-4 (with one forfeit). Then the night ended with an utterly lame Halloween party. Two wards, one DJ, about fifty people in a parking garage, and no phone numbers. Surprised? Shouldn't be. It's like I don't even care even more. That wasn't the reason the party wasn't hoppin'. I think it was because my expectations were WAY too high. I mean, I actually believed they were going to play music other than hip hop, Hannah Montana, stand-in-a-circle-and-bounce kind of music. I've had WAY too much of that being an EFY counselor, and frankly I'm not very good at it, being white and all...
The night was still fun though. I mean, at the football game one of our players showed up in jeans so I had to lend him my sweats. Good thing I was wearing spandex underneath. He was like, "I need to borrow some sweats." sounding all Italian and like. It's from a movie.
For this costume party, I pulled a last minute French man, seriously thought of about 2 minutes before dance party liftoff. I donned a long-sleeve yellow shirt (ha! yellow), a scarf, expensive looking aviators and french looking facial hair (black make-up). So, nobody could guess what I was... one girl thought I was Brad Pitt. Wow. Anyways, about halfway through the dance, or more towards the end, I did my typical swap into the EFY polo, and nobody noticed. It was kind of dork... I mean dark. I never even made it to my third costume of the night: Tracy McGrady's little brother who got kicked off the team because his jersey was too big and his shorts were too short. I left at about 10:15. Lame.
Thus was Halloween's Eve, except I finished it with some Halo 3 (and I actually didn't get motion sick this time) and NBA 2k9 at my roomy's parents' house.
Now that it is Halloween, I can finish this blog post. Not much doing today, though it felt nice to wake up and not have to go get yelled at for once, even if I did wake up at 11:30 and waste a good chunk of a good Saturday. I went trick-or-treating with Jake, Lindsey, Andrew, and Zabes, and it was a way better time than that silly dance party. Shoot, the only dance party that would be better would be one with the girl standing there alone and the Journey playing loud, and the eye lock from across the room that is so intense it's almost creepy... the move, the conversation, the number, the dance, the duet... the rest would be history. Unfortunately, seren-dippity (sp?) has never worked in my favor, oh cursded concept!
So Happy Halloween! And here's a shout-out to pops on his sixty-some odd birthday! A toast to the golden age of wisdom, success, and never-ending enthusiasm! Every day brings me one day closer to that same age... or at least I hope so.

Season of the Green Fleece

Wow, it is nice outside. The fall is such a wonderful time of year, even though it's too cold to wear shorts so I wear the same pair of pants pretty much 5 days a week.
What do I love about fall besides the weather? Well, football obviously, despite its disappointments. I'm not just talking about the Cougars either... I mean, flag football is a gang of fun. The best games happen on Thanksgiving and New Years, which both fall on or after fall semester.
Then there is December, the most wonderful time of the year. Even just thinking about it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside!
ACK! This blog is entirely too happy. I need to go have something bad happen to me. Maybe I'll go ask a girl out...
Quote of the day: "The defensive players just hang out with the defensive players. They find the other players... offensive!" Snicker.

For My Next Trick, I Will Make My Paycheck... Disappear!

So I get called up Saturday night by my good buddy Creer to go to an EFY counselor reunion bonfire extreme extravaganza party. Wow, so many words in one event... like a grilled double-decker crunchy baja ranch burrito supreme. One day, Taco Bell, you will use my ideas and never look back!
Anyways, Creer tells me to meet him at Gold's Gym, where I park and jump in his car to go to this shin-dig in Spanish Fork. It's like 8:30 at night. We don't get back until 11:45.
Perhaps you know where this is going?
My car was gone.
155 dollars later, I get it back from the impound on Monday. 155 dollars!
Some of you may be thinking, "Hmph, pocket change", but you have to realize this is the pay equivalent of over 16 games of reffing football. That's 16 hours of getting yelled at, called names, and being generally hated. I thought about trying to pack that 16 hours of hatred into the ten minutes that I talked with the tow-guy, but I figured, "Na, he didn't write the rules". Then again, the extra 15 dollars of storage fee that I was charged for leaving the car there on Sunday when it seemed to me that the place was closed because the gate was shut and the business office there not open (saying specifically on the doors that it was not open on Sundays) seemed a bit unfair. When I asked the guy who I should call to discuss this, he gave me the number of the office and said it would just come back to him. I tried to explain how it all seemed a bit underhanded, but he said that their pick-up service was open 24/7, and had I called sooner I would have known that. I told him I did call on Saturday night, and no mention of such was made to me. He didn't know what to say then. I guess I just got screwed on this one.
Imagine how much of this could have been avoided if I was just a bit more observant at Gold's Gym. There was a sign posted, warning of non-patrons and after-hours people getting booted/towed, but it was not posted at the entrance I used.
Clearly, this is a sign that it's time to go back to reffing basketball. Intramurals. $10.50 an hour. After only 15 games of that jank, I will have made up the loss. Until then, hello ramen dinners, lunches, and breakfasts!

I Heart Tuesdays, but not as much as Thursdays

This being the first Tuesday night in a while that I haven't had work, I decided to go country dancing! You know, they have this club thing every Tuesday night... so I go and one room is filled with swing kids dancing to smooth jazz or blues or something unfamiliar to me, and the other ballroom is filled with people standing in lines, dancing to music you might hear in Abby's lab (from NCIS) with only their arms. I didn't look too far into the room; I was afraid I might see a giant monitor with Big Brother on it.
Where's the cowgirls at? Shoot...
This week I get to interview Brad Wilcox for one of my assignments in 211. I don't know what to ask him yet, I only know that I have to focus the questions on some issue today. I'm thinking maybe Education today, and what's wrong with it... or maybe something EFY related... or perhaps when are MC Hammer pants coming back into style?
In other news, today in the plasma clinic, I was sitting there waiting for my money (the "donation" having already taken place) when this old guy sitting next to me straight up passes out. He hit his head pretty hard on the floor, but no blood. Good thing too, cause then I might have passed out too. That would have been ironic.
Ok, it's getting close to 8. I might have to jet for NCIS soon. Otherwise, the bartender will ask me, "Son, what'll it be", "I want a shot at that red-head yonder lookin at me". The dance floors hoppin and it's hotter than the fourth of July!
It's a song.

A Dental History Nightmare

Last night, I had about 3 terrible dreams of losing that pesky tooth again... during one of those particularly nasty nightmares, I lost about 4 teeth in addition to the one.
That's what I call dental trauma! Baddabing!
Looking back, since that fateful day of August 29, 2005, my smile has faced many trials. After the six month odyssey of reconstructing it in the first place, I have lost caps on my teeth on... three?... different occasions. And there is that one tooth. You know, the one next to the front teeth that you may have seen me once or twice in my life being without. On the day of the bike wreck, it was broken in half, I have pictures to show it. The first permanent crown that replaced it was disintegrated during an intramural basketball game, it being unable to withstand the pressure of a man's nogin coming in direct contact with it. That's about the time I got to know Dr. Pinnegar here well. That was around March of 2008. A year goes by and the tooth is back in place, until a pick up basketball game in May of 2009. This time it was an elbow, and the crown came out largely intact, but the tooth underneath suffered more loss. As such, it's harder to get a crown to bond to so little remaining actual tooth. The temporary filler crowns never wanted to stay put for the ensuing several months (except the one which the guy in Angleton put it, which covered me through EFY), and even the permanent crowns have now vacated twice. It leaves me to wonder... is it just meant to be? Perhaps my future wife is to love me in spite of my looks, and not because of them... snicker.
So, over four years later, I am still having nightmares of that terrible night on Livermore Road in Folsom California with my trainer George Bush, biking in my dress pants (that would also not make it through the night) and squatting on that pavement thinking to myself: "Did this really just happen? Oh well, give it a year or so, and I won't even remember it happened..."

Dollars and Cents

Last week about this time, I was feelin kind of down... a bit ripped off by life. There is no excuse ever to feel like this, but it just happens sometimes.
I was down to $40 in my bank account and I had (and still don't have) no steady income. I am only working like 10 hours a week. I also thoroughly studied my NY Times, yet still got a 1 on my quiz on Monday. Thoroughly is a very relative word, in this case... Also, I was walking around campus and feeling all this angst towards all the happy couples with their happy plans for their happy weekends!
These feelings didn't last long. Eventually I was on top of the world again, though I don't remember which instance caused it. It might have been NCIS Tuesday night, or dominating girls in volleyball class, or remembering a particularly happy time of my youth...
By now, I've gotten CES to pay me for that last session they overlooked, and my security deposit came in from Centenniel. Also, I started working the scoreboard for softball games to get some extra hours in. So, financially, things are going well. For now.
I wish I could say something is happening with the Daily Uni-pants. Nope.

Book of the Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 5:

1. And the semester began anew in the third year since the man of little consequence had returned.
2. And he dwelt in a house where the people made merry oft and the air was warm and uncomfortable.
3. Notwithstanding these trials, the man of little consequence did strive to follow the path of righteousness and manliness, the former taking first priority.
4. He sought to do so by establishing good habits, such as doing homework, selling blood to the lepers, lifting exceedingly heavy weights as Samson, going to the temple once a week, shaving, and refraining from using gel in his hair. (Though there are no lepers to be known of in the land, let it be known that he would sell his blood to them, yea, for a slightly raised premium.)
5. But behold, the thought of such habits is easier than the act of such habits.
6. And he did struggle, being distracted often by books, naps, facebook, and the Enlightened and Somewhat Partial Network (or as some would say, ESPN).

7. And he was so beloved by his eldest sister that she bought him pajama pants of many colors (about five years ago). And they were blue and orange and cyan and plaid and orange and blue and orange and plaid and cyan and blue and orange and plaid...
8. And when he set his foot in them to retire the night, behold, the knee was torn! And the man of little consequence wept bitterly and received inspiration for another chapter in his mock scripture.
9. And his roommate knocked out his tooth and left his social life for dead in the wilderness.
10. But when the roommate returned to claim his friendright, which is like unto a birthright but dealing with mutual acquaintances rather than family, he recognized him not, for the tooth was replaced.
11. And the man of little consequence said to himself, "I shall now take them all for a ride, after all they have tried fratricide."
12. And this quote made no sense, but he mused to himself all the same.

13. Thus was the third week of the third year since the return of the man of little consequence. And it was a week of dwindling inheritance and loneliness.
14. For Satan whispered unto his heart, "She hath already a boyfriend, as thou knowest all attractive females at the university hath. If thou asketh for her number, she will be greatly offended and probably mace thine eyes. Spare thyself thine eyes and thy pride, for they are all that is left thee, thou man of less than little consequence!"
15. But it came to pass, that on the beginning of the fourth week, the man did rebuke the devil to silence and cried aloud, "I will not listen to thee but rather listen to psalms of merriment and whimsical twang (or as some would say, country music)!"
16. And he donned his forty-dollar cowboy hat and went forth with renewed swagger.
17. And the book was to be continued.

Imhotep!

So, shall we start with the bright side?
I made 35 bucks today! The only expense was a needle and Brendan Frasier trying to be an action star. What movie did I watch today as I sold plasma? Here's a hint: I was so NOT scared that I might have NOT soiled my pants.
On the flip side, my story did not appear in the paper. This is why I don't tell people about my dating life. You might think something is going to happen, then it doesn't... how very disappointing...
And later that day as I bit into a burrito, that bugger of a tooth I lost several months ago decided to up and vacate again. Unfortunately, the dentist does not open on Saturdays. Fortunately, I've already made an impression on most of the people in my ward. Those who I haven't yet, well, they can believe I'm Jonny Ripshank from backwards Arkansas. Maybe you can think of a better redneck name, no?
I signed up for an ultimate league in Orem a couple of weeks back. It cost me $20. The ironic thing is that the only game that I will actually make will be tomorrow. After that, every Saturday morning and whatnot is occupied by reffing 3rd grade flag football.
I don't mind, really. $20 bucks is what, two-thirds of a donation?
There is a rave dance party right outside my house tonight. I'm glad I don't do drugs.

The Mountain Man 3 Wolf Tee

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002HJ377A.
Go there and read the comments on the product. Nuff said.

And this one too-
http://www.hulu.com/watch/92561/the-tonight-show-with-conan-obrien-puppies-dressed-as-cats
Right up laurel's alley.

Now... Bring Me That Horizon.

My fickle internet works sometimes, but sometimes it doesn't. As such... this entry may never get posted.
So I've been to my classes for this semester. All 7 credit hours of them. It seems like my semesters get smaller and smaller... so, my comms classes are exciting! Well, as long as I tell myself that. IF YOU ACT ENTHUSIASTIC THEN YOU'LL BE ENTHUSIASTIC!!
There were five people in my 211 class that I knew from before. That's great, because I will have some help to not forget assignments or stay awake and all that jazz. Uggg JAZZ!!! That cursed word will never again appear on my blog, unless relating to Harry Connick or Jamie Cullum, not Utah. Back on track, today I had simply volleyball and country western dance, which were both gallons of fun. My ward is cool too, despite many people being from Southern California of which I have no prejudice against, by the way. Could it be that this semester is bound for super-awesomeness?
So, my goals for this semester:
-Straight A's. If I can't do that with two measly classes, then it's professional piracy. I did watch Tim Curry again on Saturday and it just gets better
..."If anyone mutinies before I says so, I'll throw you overboard like I did that scurvy mate Mr. Arrow!!"
-Three jobs. I got two so far: Reffing 3rd and 4th graders on Saturdays, and also donating plasma full time. If anyone else wants to jump on the latter bandwagon, please use me as a reference, so you AND I get an extra five bucks! i think... but that would be like 4 frosties!
-Date machine! So many numbers, so few weekends... so little consequence... Then again, once I am rid of these pleats in my pants, the ladies will be Calling ME! or not...
-My little squirrel has to have a good semester too. Even if I have to beat up some freshmen. Or get beat up trying. ARE YOU READING THIS LAUREL!? Big brother is always watching...
-Continue writing stories for the Daily Universe. My first story appears this Friday in the sports section. It's only a report on the Mountain West Conference, but hey, it's a start!

Wow, I got so pumped as I was writing this blog I almost went and kicked my roommate right in the face! Too much buzzing on these Disney songs, I guess.

The Summers Fly, One by One!

I don't update too incredibly often during the summertime. It's almost over though... Lots to do still here in Provo before the school year begins.
I do spend a lot of time with my family. In fact, my little squirrel sister is here for the upcoming year at BYU! Hooorah! I can now mooch off of her Diner's Plus! Also, my parents are here, and when they come to town, we always do lots of fun things like watch Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamboat (SHONI!). You know, I still remember all the words of that silliness... and it's probably been eight or nine years since I last listened to the soundtrack. Seriously, word for word! I am a human juke box! I also am living with my sister and brother-in-law, this being that transitional period in between apartments. Come Wednesday, I'll be in a house. Who knows what to expect there? People often tell me that it makes it more difficult socially...
Sooo, up comes the semester. What do I expect? Well, you ain't gonna find out! I don't want to tell everyone my goals because then they get their hopes up and stuff. They usually don't happen anyways if I tell people about them. I do not boast in my own strength.
These are for certain:
I am writing a story on the Mountain West Conference for the Daily Universe that will print the first Friday of school. Nothin' big really, just a start.
I do have an interview with Orem Fitness tomorrow to ref flag football again. Yep, reffing again. WHAT THE H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS ARE YOU THINKING!!?
I do have lots of fake teeth. One of them is getting replaced tomorrow. That's when they shoot your gums with needles and it makes you cry no matter what. Or maybe I'm just a sissy.
Then again, I do donate plasma twice a week. I'm not scared of needles. They just hurt significantly more when shot in your gums than in your arm. The new plasma clinic shows good movies too, like Mulan, Kung Fu Panda, and Heavyweights.
I am going to school only part time this semester. Any more credit hours I have beyond the two classes required for application to the Communications program count against me in said application.
Cheat Commandos make me giggle.
What is NOT for certain:
GRADUATION! I can project sometime in the next two years (being done with generals and all), but you never know. I might up and switch majors again...

So, I am excited!
Until next post, what are your thoughts on pleated pants?

efy: The Summer of Some Consequence

For so long, the blog has been silent... some of you may think that there is nothing happening in my silly summer life. At this moment, you would be correct to assume as much. But before...

So on Saturday last week, I retired the bright green and salmon polos and kahki pants for the summer of 2009. As is typical for one like me, I feel it's time to reflect on the six weeks of dancing, yelling, screaming, singing, slapping, napping, clapping, spazzing, smiling, laughing, crying, eating, sitting, stressing, and pretty much floating on this surreal feeling of being someone during my lazy summer days.

Totalling it all up between 'Steady and Sure' and 'Be Thou an Example', I've now been counselor to over 100 young men, from Texas to Utah to Canada to Australia and some odd places in between. I've had 18 co-counselors, 2 brethren and 16 sisters. Apart from my co's, I've gotten a grand total of two numbers and zero dates... thus far. This year I dealt with slight autism, depression, bad roommate mojo, A.D.D., A.D.H.D., ninjas, and pot, among other things (and I'm not just talking about myself)... snicker. Through all this, I am continually amazed at how small this Mormon world is and how it continues to shrink! For instance, this last week in Provo I had a youth from my home stake in Texas... well, he doesn't live there anymore, but if anyone knows the Bassetts, let them know that Redford should have a weeklong timeout for kicking his counselor and almost getting him busted for late-night Wendy's. I also saw many of my participants from last year, and even had one in my company for the SECOND TIME! What are the odds? Poor kid... he went to Provo the first year and then San Antonio the second to try and escape me. He was also shorter than me last year and this year he had about half a foot on me.

I don't plan on making another narcissistic slide show this year, but I did manage to get pictures with all of my boys and most of my co's (except week 4) and they will soon be posted on Facebook. For now, I am reconstructing my vagabond life and trying to find my niche in Provo again. I did get an inside connection to the Daily Universe... you never know.

Provo 1A: After the Trial
Highlights of this week: One of my youth pulling a butt muscle during a small game of football, my Samoan youth trying to down an entire Martinelli and losing it in a similar way to a baby's spit-up, and another of my youth calling one of my co's up during the variety show to be serenaded by his version of 'Fly Me to the Moon'--so smooth.

Provo 3A: Night of Darkness
Highlights: Apart from Cannon center dining, there was the bonus of a free-time company volleyball game, the notorious Plunger man banging on everyone's door (looking for his shampoo while only wearing a loin-cloth), and dancing with a really cute counselor that I probably will never see again... sigh...

Provo 4A: Tell You All Things
This was a particularly small group. I only had six boys, and the only reason I was working this week was because I inherited it from another counselor who could not. Lots of walking, lots of this silly game called 'Birdman', a participant who eerily resembled a young version of Barrack Obama, and a co-counselor who knew how to social dance. Too bad they never play counselor dance cha-cha's.

San Antonio 2: Seek Ye
Lowlights of this week: A pothead. Everything else was great though. I really do think I enjoy the San Antonio EFY's more than the Provo ones, because the kids here don't come from schools surrounded by a thousand mormons, so it means a bit more to them to be in this kind of environment. Plus the memories of seven some odd years ago when I was an awkward youth...
I also had my first black youth this week. I feel so complete as a counselor (though I would like an Asian)!

San Antonio 3: Cannot Fall
Highlights: Painting the fingernails with 'EFY', line dancing to N-Sync (the video is on Facebook), and retaining my manhood the whole time.

Provo 10B: Sent Forth By Power
Highlights: Introducing the Power Ranger theme which carried pretty much the whole week, busting some ninjas late Wednesday night (and I quote them: "Ninja disappear!"), and becoming the best counselor in the world with a late night delivery from Wendy's to my boys. Then again, Saturday morning breakfast I could just hear Captain Jack Sparrow saying to me, "In case you were waiting for the opportune moment... that was it".

Ya, I know... a lot of long stories condensced into smaller inside jokes. Hey, if I ever see you in person, I can let you know all about it if you have the time--like twenty some odd hours.
Disclaimer: The author is not a pothead.

Tribute to an Old Friend

Many weeks have come and gone, and yet there is still no writings on EFY this year. Trust me, they are coming. The weeks have certainly not been without incidents....

On this day, Wednesday of 7-8-09, the Martin family witnessed the end to another era in this now quiet house deep in the swamps of Texas. I personally watched as my good friend of 18 years breathed his last breath today. For quite a while he had been on the decline, suffering blindness and near deafness, as well as labored breathing due to a struggling heart which in turn complicated things for his lungs and that in turn did not supply his brain with enough oxygen to the point where it would go into periods of shut down, leaving him temporarily comatose and always disoriented. As a family, we had decided that it was time.

It's strange how it seems that not too long ago we laid to rest our dear sister, and though this instance we did not say good-bye to an actual family member, it's about as close as you get. Even so, at that time when Ally left us, shortly thereafter we celebrated the birth of new life in my niece Elizabeth, and now we celebrate new life in that great nuisance of a kitten running amuck now. Timing...

Good-bye Fang. You were not the best of cats, but you were the best of friends. I was with you until the very end, and I hope you'll remember that someday when we meet again.

Back In Texas... for the Third Time this Summer

Ahhh, the fireworks, the giant LCD screens, the muggy air, and the smell and sounds of alcohol. Must be an Astros game! And in case you are wondering what alcohol sounds like: "Hey you! What you doin after the game? Strippers and steroids?!"

This was a tight one too: Wandy vs. Verlander, down to the eighth, and the tying run just walked home... Tejada gets the go-ahead run in with a sac fly to right field, just feet away from where we are sitting!

Of course, the Stro's are almost at the bottom of their division, so playing the Tigers, this game has relatively little consequence. This has been an all around BAD year for sports. Well, any year that the Lakers win a championship is a bad year. The triumph of ego over sportsmanship.

Anyways, I am back in Texas now. I just flew home for the third time this summer. Currently, I am blogging, but tomorrow I head out to San Antonio to work my fourth session of EFY this summer in San Antonio... not my fourth IN San Antonio, like my fourth session of EFY overall. My previous three were in Provo. Someday maybe I will write about those weeks.

So I walk out of the airport this past Thursday and my first impression was that I was standing in the exhaust of some overheating vehicle. Turns out it was just 100 degrees outside... literally. Add the humidity and this place feels like a different hemisphere than Utah (and people were complaining about how hot 76 was up there!). It could be worse... I could be walking around outside all day in long pants and a polo with complaining kids. Wait...

So, apart from the wonder of global warming (which is apparently a taxable threat now), I am enjoying going back country! Look at them boots, a new kind of suit, and back to my roots! It's a song.

The End of Temporary Insanity

So, for the last three weeks or so, I've been chillin in Texas just doing work for my pops. Ha, chillin... ya right. Ain't nothin chill about this state. Just a lot of... sweatiness...

In fact, as soon as he walks in this room, I will abruptly end this post to go help him turn the shed into his very first man-cave workshop. This is what my dad does for fun. He takes breaks from church work and university work to do yard work. 

So it's been a great stay. After yet another semester of so-so grades, my spirits have been lifted spending time with my family who seems to appreciate me regardless of my utter lack of progress. 

Highlights of the stay in Texas:

1. HOME COOKING! I'm up to 150 lbs! 

2. How sweet it is to be in an environment with other Rockets fans! We celebrated going further than anyone in this world thought we would go, together. And you know what, if the Lakers don't win a championship, their season is a failure. FAILURE! The Rockets already had a successful season. Imagine what would happen if we didn't have so much adversity with player health? We probably wouldn't be as good. 

Anyways, I want Denver to beat the Lakers just to show David Stern that God is still in charge. 

3. I am sporting a sweet stache for May's mustache appreciation theme. Unfortunately, I've got EFY next week and I don't think it'd be a good idea to show up looking like a pedophile. 

4. I went biking at Brazos Bend and almost ran over an alligator on my bike. My nephew is witness to that. 

5. Speaking of nephews, there are always great stories going along with the familiar phrase, "Kids say the darndest things." I was discussing with one of my nephews what a 'swirly' was, and he was like, "I put my finger in the toilet... TODAY!" 

6. Yesterday for Laurel's birthday, we went to Cici's pizza. Today, I can't take enough Immodium. It's funny cause about this time last year as I was driving around Heber City... did I post about that little incident? I hope not.

7. And the BEST part about waking up in Texas is.... oh wait, I gotta get back to work.

I'll be takin the story back to Utah come Saturday. Until then.... I need to change my pants.

Maybe I Am Just Lucky...

We all make our own luck in this life, it's true... but some things just happen. Take my phone for instance: every now and then, it just has its monthly period, where it wigs out and goes upside and backwards, and that's on a good day. Lately, I open it and don't even get a screen, just some purple lines. Yesterday it was upside, backwards, and the color was inverted! Silly phone!
Today I was playing basketball, just a simple pick up game, two on two with my roomies. I was guarding Justin as he drove to the basket, and a crash of drums and a flash of elbow and as good ole Yogi put it, "It's like deja vu all over again!"
My cleaning check for check out is tomorrow. I have job six, which includes the following: vacuum the entire apartment, dust the entire apartment, clean out every storage closet, sweep the patio, wash every window, and wash the doors and walls. Oh yeah, and make sure jobs one through five are done also, which nobody has touched our bathroom yet so I will have to do as well. I have yet to pass a cleaning check on the first go-round here, and this time I don't get a re-check. And the new guy is moving his stuff in, so it's all over the floors. And the fee for failing is much higher on check-outs.
At least school is over, right? And I have a whole summer full of EFY to look forward to because I should get all the weeks I applied for because returning male counselors are few and far between. Oh wait...

I Lost My Optimism Somewhere And I Can't Find It

So my plan for EFY this summer didn't work out when they didn't offer me any more contracts. I have just the one in mid-summer, so I may as well go to school and find a way to apply for the Communications program, which looks pretty dismal considering I am 22 credits over the limit and every one will count against me in the process.
Then again, now the 211 class is full and 239 isn't even offered in the summer. So scrap that plan, I guess I'll just work full time.
I took my books back today from last semester and this one... BYU didn't buy any of them back. So, perhaps I'll have some ceremonial burnings... "I'd like to burn this textbook, I hate this stuff so much!"- It's from a song.
Then I came back to my car after 45 minutes on campus and found a parking citation on it. I thought reading days counted as Saturdays. EXPLETIVE!
So, as minuscule as all these rejections are, I still can't help but be baffled by it all... where did I go wrong? Perhaps it's just time to welcome Murphy into my life with arms wide open, knowing that if there is a possibility today that my pants will catch fire, then they definitely will.

On a positive note, the ward talent show did happen. I was the MC, and the singer for the closing act. It actually went well! This is another reason I'm going to miss my roomies so much.
If you want to see it, just check my facebook account, it's called "The Todd Martin Experience".

Book of the Man of Little Consequence

Chapter 4:

1. And it was the end of the third month of the second year since the return of the man of little consequence. And the end of the semester drew nigh.
2. And this is a time of great stress; of weeping and wailing and gnashing of papers and chewing of pants and random bouts of loud laughter.
3. And the man of little consequence did howl and leap about the room, and spittle fell down into his beard, for he had not shaved in many days.
4. Three was the number of papers he had due, and the number of papers he had due were three.
5. Four was not the number of papers he had due, neither had he two excepting that he then proceeded to three.
6. Five is right out.

7. Then came the time for the man of little consequence to make decisions of great consequence.
8. But he shied away, for he was not ready to make great decisions, nor was he known for such.
9. And he continued to await the sign in which the miraculous delivery system (or, as some say, gmail account) would read, "EFY contracts available".
10. Behold! Twice has the sign appeared, but the second time was for a week far into the summer, isolated by surrounding undecided time as Gilligan's island.
11. For this his excitement was naught.

12. And it came to pass that he ate hamburger that had been opened in the fridge for nearly forty days, albeit forty is a bit of an exaggeration, though an accurate one.
13. And his stomach was wroth, and his head did spin.
14. And he spoke to the hamburger helper, "Almost, thou persuadest me to be a vegetarian".

15. And it came to pass that the man of little consequence did not complete his home teaching by the end of the month.
16. And it seemed as if he were cursed and his milk and ice cream became slippery to him.
17. But such was not so, for he only consumed such in vast quantities and forgot the joy shortly thereafter in the ensuing nausea.
18. And he left this blog for a time to consume the last of the cookies and cream.

19. And this law he kept above all others in the third month of the second year since his return- thou shalt be frugal! Thou shalt not shop when thou art a hungered, nor shalt thou spend frivolously thy time on video games.
21. This he kept in his heart as he enjoyed the day's third bowl of ice cream.
22. And the cookies and cream were no more.

23. The man of little consequence went forth to play basketball.
24. And an aquaintance, yet not a friend, of the man of little consequence was poked in the forehead so that he writhed and convulsed on the floor.
25. And the man of little consequence did ask, "What, wast thou indeed raised from thy childhood by pillows?"

26. And when he had returned from his date, his roommates did enquire of him, "Didst thou lose thine virgin lips?"
27. And he answered them in a parable saying:
28. "Which is more likely, that the man of little consequence would kiss a woman, or that he would one day go to school without wearing pants?"
29. And they answered, "The second".
30. And the man of little consequence replied, "Neither do I answer your question. Go now, and torment me no longer..."

31. This is the account of the third month of the second year of the man of little consequence.
32. And it is a somewhat altered version of truth, for this book is not a perfect book.
33. And the man of little consequence did grow hungry for his fourth bowl of ice cream, and feared making the keyboard exceedingly sticky, so he left off his record for a season.

Wired Hamsters

Here's your energy crisis solution America!

Cheeese!

Stuff is kind of a funny word...

So this weekend was some fun and stuff...
My roomy Colin (not pronounced colon) had a birthday, and so we celebrated it by eating Red Robins and stuff... and so then this guy got up on his chair and starting singing happy birthday and whatever... and that dude was most likely me. And endless steak fries are great, go eat at Red Robin's awesomeness.
And so afta that we went to a Nickelcade place and had fun and stuff... and this guy went crazy on the DDR machine and a bunch of people watched and a girl said "You guys are awesome" and stuff... and that guy was probably me with my buddy Justin.
And so we got back and ate ice cream and cupcakes and Wii, but we didn't eat the Wii we just played it and stuff... and then Friday was over.
And so on Saturday, I did laundry and watched Australia which is a really long movie, there's some smashing acting... and then I went to the temple...

Serious note interruption: Thinking much about my summer and what plans I should make, a lot of it hinged upon my getting accepted to EFY or not... which I interviewed for over seven weeks ago. So I prayed and asked the Lord to let me know by the end of this week. So by Saturday, if I'm in, I'm in, and if I'm not... well, how does a summer semester sound?

...and then there was this Black Tie Affair in our ward so I showed up in boots and blue jean pants (with a white shirt and tie) and nobody got it. Do you get it? And then Saturday was over...

So Sunday I made some jello.

Finally, to end on a less silly note, I was offered three contracts for EFY on Monday. Boom, answered.

Get Over It!

I'm coming to grips with the fact that being a die-hard Rockets fan costs a lot of emotional chips... wasted emotional chips. For those loyal Houstonians reading this blog who cheer for the big China Man in red, we are no stranger to disappointment, are we?
So why am I so into it? Why is it that few things make me angrier than the countless second halves that the Rockets tank? Why did I blow a fuse yesterday when the Rockets lost to the best team in the NBA? Why am I so caught up with all these teams that I am not a part of?
On a bright note, the Jazz lost! Woo hoo! People think they are the biggest threat to the Lakers... HELLO, 1-11 versus winning teams on the road (of which they have 9 more)!
Anyways, I'm getting over the angry fits associated with this unhealthy obsession. Does that mean I am no longer a Rockets fan? Absolutely not... But if they win, they win, and if they lose, they lose. It really doesn't have a whole lot to do with me if you think about it. So, best regards to Yao and my favorite players on the floor. Your losses will no longer ruin my days.

In unrelated news, shocking trends show BYU upper-classman girls that are not steadily dating someone by the end of the first month of Winer Semester opt to study abroad or go on missions, leaving unfortunate RM's in a tight situation.

The Purple Cobras stay consistent by losing their last game to a team of five players by 34 points. Previous margins of victory were 37, 37, 36, and 35.

Costs of laundry increase as garments and socks disappear. Suspects include roommates and Andrew.

Finally, I apologize if anyone is not a fan of the current music playing. I'm on a country kick right now, so if you don't like, then just buy me a new pair of pants.

Aminals

Here's some pictures from the zoo. I realized afterward maybe I should have got more people... oh well.

Are these not some sweet pictures of the cougars? BYU blue!

A wolf.

A leopard.

Frogs used to be my favorite aminals. Now I think my favorite aminal is a cabbit.

What's the monkey looking at?

A shiny camera.

Normally, you see these kind of things in your house... or at least I will someday.

But if I could take anything home as a pet... it would be this crazy squirrel! He was nuts... snicker.

The elephant display looked quite real.

And sometimes, the monkeys are just straight up depressing.

Concerning Asians

Some random things that have happened as of late:
I lost my I-clicker for the second time. That means I will have spent over a hundred dollars on I clickers. I also left my hair gel, deodorant, and a dirty pair of garments on campus somewhere... I might just go to school one day having completely forgotten my pants... on a warmer day when I won't notice the draft as much.
I was walking through the Wilkinson center today when I thought I heard someone whispering my name. I turned around and it was just an Asian. He wasn't whispering my name, he was just whispering in Asian.
I was cleaning the vacuums today at work and I dropped the hose and it landed on the trigger and shot directly into my face. It was awesome.
Last Friday was Justin's birthday, so we went to a place called "Jump On It" which is like a place covered with trampolines--injuries waiting to happen. Two of my roommates hurt themselves, but despite my best efforts, I escaped unscathed.
One time I skipped watching Lost to go play a water-polo game, but none of the girls showed up so we forfeited. I wrote them ALL warm and fuzzy notes saying the same thing:

Thanks for coming to the water polo game!
Wait...
Toddd

So I missed the last game to go to Justin's birthday party. I got two warm and fuzzy notes this Sunday that said:

Thanks for coming to the water polo game!
Oh wait...
Respective Girl

To top it all off, I went on Two dates with two different girls on Saturday. Neither was Asian, but we did watch Kung Fu Panda for the second one!

My Birthday Hannukah

Birthdays are so great. Why just have one a year? I figured, it could be like Hannukah and have eight crazy nights instead! So here's how crazy the nights were:

First Sunday... the usual, you know. Church, spotlight, and then game night. We played mafia, and I am really good at mafia... perhaps because I am such a powerful orator! Anyone can attest to this who was there and witnessed my soapbox speeches from the couch...
So on Monday, we had teriyaki beef and baked potatoes... all for my birthday! Ok, maybe it was just for FHE at the first counselor of the bishopric's house, but it felt like it was for my birthday! No school that day either!
Tuesday comes around, and wouldn't you know that the most mild night of the week was probably the night I actually turned twenty-three. I only celebrated by getting a dollar burger from McDonald's, Sonic, and Wendy's each and comparing them (Sonic is the best all around, Wendy's tastes the best but is the smallest, and McDonalds will taste like they used the sausage patties from the morning breakfast sometimes...).
Wednesday was Lost, which in a valiant effort of commitment, I skipped in order to be faithful to the water polo team... and no girls showed up, so we forfeited... but we played anyways, and it was not bad, really. Hope?
Thursday, the best day of the week! After a hard day of work cleaning the carpets of Wymount Terrace, and then donating plasma and recieving an extra five bucks for my birthday, my friends and I played broom hockey again! I got smacked in the face twice, but no broken teeth! The only thing that would have made it better would have been if somebody slipped and tore their pants.
Friday, no date, but we did have a basketball game. Whereas up to this point we had consistently lost by 35 to 37 points, we won this game by 36! I'm not kidding! It's wierd... like twilight zone basketball... then a few of my roomies and I went to Nickelcade and got slurpies til the wee hours of the morning.
Saturday, played some football, went to the temple, and made tuna tetrizzini for myself.
Sunday, that being today the eighth of the eight crazy nights, was another simple game night, but this time within the ward. Taboo and Guesstures... and one warm fuzzy note that called me a sexy beast. Scandal!!!
True stories! And I only had to skip one biology project to conjure up all this fun!

Embarressing Moments

So my roomy gets a date and brings her over to watch the office. I'm just third-wheelin it on the couch, so after the episode is over and they're leaving to do their thang, he tosses the remote to me. Since I am soooo good at not looking at things and catching them, and since I was in need of a little humbling for thinking that, the remote doesn't touch my outstretched hand (and my eyes never left the TV screen) and lands right where it counts... I spend the next five minutes in a fetal position on the floor.

By the way, they laughed and then he said, "Sorry dude", then left. It was kind of embaressing.

Up Date... or Down Date, You Decide

Just so everyone knows, I am working again. I clean carpets... that's it. Nothing like four hours straight of the same monotonous and tedious labor (possibly a redundant statement).
I do find it works my arms pretty well! And it pays the bills for relatively low stress. And it's not 6-10 at night (it's 1-5 in the afternoon, almost perfect for my schedule).
So it's not waiting tables and having fun with people like I'd like to be doing, but it's not a bad deal either. Now let's see if I can keep up in my school work.

Also note: This last Sunday I was "spotlighted" for my ward prayer. After answering the questions prior to said ward prayer, I felt a bit apprehensive... perhaps I was a little too honest? I mean, what are people going to think when they find out that my favorite childhood memory is hanging with my cat and watching Muppets, or that if I could be any animal, I would be a flying squirrel, and my pirate name would be 'Snaggletooth', or that I have this obsession with lemon-scented dishwasher soap and the word 'pants' and an unnatural abhorrence for Red Bull commercials (gag)? Well, as of yet, nobody has come up and asked if I was president of the Dork Club...
which I am.

Answered

I am a man of faith. For those of you who are reading this and not part of my family or close circle, my belief in Jesus Christ and His gospel restored through a modern prophet is the very center of my existence. This gives me a very different perspective of life. When things happen, especially strange things, I can see some deeper force at work there... even with the seemingly small and insignificant things... or especially with the small things.
So every month I try to focus on some hamartia of mine and work to make it better... last month was the month of courage (and thus, four attempts at dates, two successful), and this month is the month of focus and alertness! I'm trying to overcome this terrible habit of falling asleep every time I sit down for more than ten minutes, especially in class. How do I accomplish these things? It all begins with prayer, usually because I don't know where else to go, Especially with this narcolepsy thing! Does anyone else have this problem? I think it's because my attention span is only about five minutes long. Anyways, back to prayer... so I prayed about it for the first time last night, and today I was falling asleep in my two and a half hour long class (COMMS 101) as usual when all the sudden my phone rang... audibly...
Understand, I haven't turned my phone off of silent for like a year. The only time it ever makes sound (beside the buzzing vibrations) is when the alarm goes off in the morning or when a particularly fussy Andrew needs instant gratification. This instance woke me from my fruitless dozing. Strange, but there was no reason for the ring to go off, except to embaress me terribly as I quickly and obviously reached in my pants pocket after snapping to awake mode. Well, upon inspection, it was still on silent so I hadn't accidently activated the volume, and no one had called and my alarm was still set for 6:15 AM. Wierd... or perhaps divine? I certainly didn't have struggles with the sand man for the rest of class, which was another hour and a half.
The Lord does answer prayers. And just a day and a half after, that was quick...

Martin's Hamful Act I Scene III

Ham: To date, or not to date... that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler to seek in vain as it were that companionship, that completeness; and in so doing perhaps to spend frivolously, and not inheritance alone but emotions so invested as chips on a poker table- or to be aloof as they say- to ignore- to ignore and perchance to forget, and to avoid suffering altogether at the price of solemnity. Yet nigh, I make an act of it, for doth any desire yet surpass that- to love, to hold, to be loved, to write as it were parodies of a more romantic and inspired author, and to go out on Fridays. Yet were I to hope contrary to this, methinks 'twould also be in vain, for fates have anon frowned upon this festering hermit! A score of years and many acquaintances, of which there be many fair wenches with their suitors, and I, even I shall never be one with them. Though kin and kind may ever attempt to convince otherwise, we do know, my precious, that they are they and not they to whom my affections reach, and their words but for a little self-esteem are counted as naught but a light fog on the pane of a heating automobile. Even the native hue of resolution bringeth favor, but experience, oh dreadful teacher, maketh me to wear the dunce cap and sit upon a stool in the corner of the room.

(A knock upon the door)

Ham: Tis only I in the house! Perhaps a maiden comes to confess her undying devotions and her stupidity in not heretofore proclaiming such forthright...

(Goes to the door)

Tod... er rather Ham: What ho?!

Man at door: Good man, I bear a simple parcel for one Lord Sprague. Perchance he is about?

Ham: Nay, good sir, for he has moved on and joined to the ranks of those wedded. O bringer of bitter gifts, perhaps you hold salt in the said parcel and are yet prepared to pour it into the open wounds of my soul!

Ups Man: I pray thee, only sign here, and grant me leave that I may be spared from another of your self-depricating soliloquies.

Ham: 'Tis done, 'tis done.

(Exit Ups Man)

Ham: Again, 'tis but I in the house. What now shall be made of my ample agency within these confining walls? Ay, may I no longer wallow as a sow in the filth of blue funk, may I...

(There is a buzzing noise in his pocket)

Ham: I am beck'ned! Who seeks audience with that which seemeth so lowly? Once... twice... thrice it vibrates, 'tis more than simple text! Alas, she who must not be named! O, so mightily unprepared am I for this! How inspiration now takes wing through yonder window!

(Answers phone)

Ham: What ho?

She Who Must Not Be Named: Average sir, do mind your manners! In response to thy courier, I most amiably consent to thy aid for the practice biology examination, [aside] though it pangs me to stoop..., [not aside anymore] but for thy request for courtship, or 'fun' as thou name it, I will only consent given accompaniment of a score of chaperons, all of whom be acquaintances of mine. Pray, is it well?

Ham: For pants sake, doth the lash of reality mock my very existence? For this practice, may it happen at sunset on the morrow, so the known world may have it known that Hamful indeed makes merry on his Friday nights... 'twill be all, for chance carrieth me about that night, and my appointment with him, blessedly free of expenses, will be met. Adieu'.

She Who Must Not Be Named: Speak again?

Ham: Adieu... it meaneth 'goodbye'.

She: Than say as much and be done with it!

(Hangs up phone)

Ham: 'Twill be a reunion of few words, I would wager my right hand! It seems now the air bites shrewdly; it is very cold. What, who enters my room?

(Enter GHOST)

Ham: A specter! Yet would my bones and inards crumble with fear, but it bears not the look of murder but of melancholy... and seems also to fain mirror my image, but with a slight bluish tint to its non-corporeality. Speak, spirit, and bring news of the reason of thy appearance!

Ghost: I am the ghost of last semester! I visit on account of your invitation!

Ham: But spirit, I am mortal, libel to fall!

Ghost: Fool! Thou residest not in some cornish Muppet spectacle! I come on pretense to warn thee! Decisions of late take toll and shadow that which has been, even that which you were in months past, and that which no man desires to be! Many a sleep will I break, and many a dream will turn to restlessness, for I bring gloom and despair, and inclination to sever the promises made to one self! If consequence brings familiarity to my time, I warn thee to stray from such paths, and look no more to what was! Thy future is untold... find fortune and make her your own! Else spend all thy waking hours with letters on a mindless and dull blog! Swear!

(Fading out GHOST)

Ghost: Swear!

(Still fading out)

Ghost: Swear!

(Finally... exit Ghost)

Ham: Now I leave to the lavatory to examine these things in my mind.

(Exit Hamful)

The 100th Post!!!

This marks the 100th post of my posting career! Why not celebrate by going to get me temporary replaced by another permanent crown? My mouf stiff hurts... it's a good thing I got these leftover 800 mg Ibuprofen tablets!

So I went disco skating on my last date. It was lots of fun, but fun isn't free. As we were preparing to leave I saw these spots on my pants on the left knee and found out that blood was running down my leg from one of the wrecks on the floor. I think I just reopened a former wound... and then there is the quarter-sized blister on my right foot. At least I didn't lose any teeth, right?

So after 100 posts, I can look back on this blog and find memories of the good times, the depressing times, the bi-polar times, the inspired times, and again, the sad times. Wow, I was kind of down a lot last year. And last semester too. It was probably the math classes... and the dating life. So I can remedy this, but I need your help! Dating every week takes a lot of creative juices or else a significantly heavier wallet than I now possess, so please cash in with your input on any fun things to do for first dates (because that's the only kind I'll probably be doing this semester)
Or else I might just have to put these to use:
1. We could go to smiths and sample the various over-the-counter drugs and then go sniff the lemon-scented dishwasher soap...
2. We could go to Ikea and play hide and seek. The first one to get kicked out by security loses.
3. We could go play raquetball, wherein I will CRUSH her while playing left-handed and in socks!
4. We could watch Muppet Treasure Island and quote Tim Curry for the rest of the night.
5. We could take fake engagement pictures and send them to our families. Maybe not on the first date...
6. We could make up surveys for random people on campus, with questions like, "Who would win in a fight, Darth Vador, or Harry Potter?"
7. We could go dancing, we could go walking, as long as we're together... Listen to some music, maybe just talking, get to know you better...
8. We could egg cars, throw snowballs at pedestrians, and then dodge the cops! Adventure time!
9. We could try to set the Guiness record for most Sudoku puzzles solved within three hours.
10. We could think of ten dumb and unlikely dating ideas and post them on someone's blog.

Notice they're all practically free! That's the best kind, except for maybe laser tag, and only if she pays.
Well, I gotta go work out. My tooth is feeling better already.

Crazy Pants

Just to let everyone know:
This semester is going well, exciting things are happening... just so much now that they're not as exciting.
Anyways, I got to play on an intramural water polo team on Tuesday. We were gloriously outnumbered, but held our own as much as scoring 12 points and allowing them only 40 or so... I was goalie for the second half, where they only scored like fifteen, and mostly by girls (which count as two per score). So is that a good thing?
Lost is starting up again. Good-bye life.
And finally, typical of early semester, I am staying ahead in all my classes. Maybe I'll actually keep it up this year, considering it's mostly just a bunch of reading and writing! So far so good on all my goals for the new year (including the date machine one), but it's only been three weeks. That's like 21 days though... not bad.

No Money, No Problems

Has it really been a few weeks already back in school? Poor family... I bet you miss me somethin awful!
Well, things have happened and things have not happened. For instance, holding true to last semester, I am yet unemployed (feeling too prideful to go back to reffing or janitoring) and the blind date cancelled again. It was the same one that was supposed to happen last semester... I did find out that I know who she is, so it's not so blind. In any case, it probably is not happening anymore.
And who needs a blind date anyways? Why don't I just pick my own!? Starting Saturday!
What else ain't happenin? Math Ed. Pretty big one, eh? This is a strange and euphoric feeling of going to school and not having any math classes... it's like those days of football practice when you only dressed in grays and punted the football around, but without the football coming out of the sky and hitting you in the crotch.
I do have a new idea for my new course in life. Stupid blog, look what you got me into...
What is happening? Sledding, late night movies, broom hockey (RIDICULOUS amounts of fun), snow in my pants, a nine-foot snowman, snow, snow, snow, snow, spam, spam, bake beans, and snow... lots of basketball, lots of dancing, volleyball, and so much fun I can barely write this blog without getting up and kicking someone right in the face! And some things happen that aren't fun, like a root-canal on an infected dying tooth. Then again, I do get these HEAVY Motrin pills for that. Dude...
As Patsy puts it so well, "Always look on the bright side of life!"